Does lack of self belief undermine your confidence?

Imposter syndrome and Fraud syndrome

Do you feel that you are promoted beyond your capabilities and will soon be “found out”? Perhaps despite achieving top marks at University and securing a good position at work you are afraid that someone will expose you as a fraud! Perhaps you did not go to University and feel yourself lacking just because you don’t have that qualification even though you are very good at your job?

Imposter syndrome or Fraud syndrome is not a psychologically categorised issue but nevertheless affects many people even when they are performing well and achieving top promotions in their careers. However much positive evidence is available confirming their ability and competence there always remains a nagging doubt that they will soon be “discovered” for the fraud that they think they are. The mirror image of imposter syndrome is the Dunnuing-Kruger effect whereby incompetent people remain convinced of their own competence.

To anyone who feels comfortable and competent in their own field of expertise this can seem difficult to understand but for a sufferer even offhand comments and looks in the workplace can appear to be confirmation of one’s perceived inadequacies and lack of qualifications in an area where they most probably excel.

If you are suffering from Imposter Syndrome you may:

  • Be afraid people will “find you out” and see through you
  • Take normal advice or criticism to heart
  • Worry that praise and encouragement from others is misplaced or just being said to help you feel better
  • Think everyone else is better qualified than you.

 

Of course friends and colleagues will most likely continue to say that this type of thinking is nonsense and try to help with encouraging words and advice. But however well meaning this may be unfortunately the “imposter” will find little solace in their words since they “know” for sure it is only a matter of time before they will get found out. Have you tried saying to yourself “Don’t think that” “Stop worrying about it” or “Forget it”? You might just as well say “Don’t think of a pink elephant”!This sort of self talk rarely works and especially so in this sort of case.

I have a phrase that I often ask clients to say to themselves whenever negative self talk is taking over the mind. Telling oneself to stop thinking this way rarely works since the message will be filtered through the frontal cortex of the rational logical mind which usually rejects it. However I have found that when we say the phrase “That thought is not available” it is a great way to divert the message past this part of the mind and straight to the unconscious creative mind. Because these words make no logical sense to our analytical thinking the phrase bypasses the conscious process.

Obviously there is work to be done in releasing past conditioning and blocks that prevent positive and realistic assessment of one’s talent. In my therapy practice I find a combination of hypnosis and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to be powerful ways to help my clients release past blocks and issues in a rapid, comfortable and empowering way.

In the words of Marianne Williamson from her book “Return to Love” “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
To find out more about how Hypnotherapy, EFT, and NLP can massively help your confidence and self belief in this and other areas of your life just call 07970218451 or email roger@rogerfoxwell.co.uk and I will be happy to help you.

 

 

3 Important Things you can do to help change your life positively for ever.

 Want to make a start and change your life?

1/ Love yourself

Most of us know how to love our family and friends, partners and children but have we ever thought about loving ourselves?  On an aeroplane the rule in an emergency is for parents with children to  first put their own oxygen mask on before they help their child. If the parent is unable to breathe how can they help their children? Loving ourselves in a healthy way is the oxygen that feeds us and helps us and every one around us flourish and grow. Unfortunately we may have been taught to think that “loving ourselves” is arrogant or big headed but far from it. To love and accept yourself can free you to truly be the person you want to be.

“Brilliant – I feel really, really good. very positive, improving everything in my life and I’m so much happier” LP
 

“I love and accept myself” is one of my favourite EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) phrases and by developing that mindset I have seen amazing transformations amongst clients suffering from low self esteem and lack of confidence. Why not try it out for a day and see what happens? If that phrase is initially a step too far then start first with  “I’m OK”, then, “I value and accept myself”, and then, when you feel you are ready, “I love and accept myself”. These are amazingly powerful and empowering phrases that will help you build up the vital inner value and belief in yourself that you deserve.

 

2/ Let go of limiting beliefs

If the mind is full of limiting beliefs these will block anyone from achieving their goals and aspirations. Limiting beliefs may have been part of one’s thinking that may have been connected to old messages unconsciously picked up in childhood or from unpleasant previous experiences in our formative years. Being able to let go of these inappropriate messages is paramount if you want to achieve the goals and desires in your life that you would like. I have found just saying this hypnotic phrase “That thought is not available” to yourself any time a negative belief or phrase pops into the mind is a very effective and powerfully simple way to clear unwanted and destructive self talk.

 

“I can’t believe so much has changed in my thinking in the last few weeks., and I feel in a different place again. I am so much more confident and positive. Thank you.” – DG

3/ Connect with who you really are

 

Having a confident air and belief about yourself will unlock many doors and opportunities. However there are times when we feel awkward and “on the back foot” and these are often times when something has unconsciously triggered us back to a younger self, a self without the knowledge and understandings that we have actually gained in our lifetime. Think about a job interview – as soon as we sit down on that chair our unconscious mind may be reminded of being at school! This unconscious triggering can be very confusing and can be a major factor in lack of confidence and self esteem. However it can be turned round once we are aware of what is happening. By just taking a moment to become aware of those awkward moments and bring to mind all positive experiences and understandings that you have gained, and will continue to gain throughout your life will help you to come out of the “trance” that you have been in and select  a healthier one. If in your mind you can connect with that knowledge and experience (i.e. your grown up self) you will be able to literally “trigger” your thinking into a much more positive state.

“Thanks for all your advice and showing me all the tools and techniques. I’m really glad I came to see you and grateful for everything. Hope to see you soon.” K

 

I am helping clients on a daily basis achieve wonderful improvements in their confidence and self esteem. Techniques such as Hypnosis, EFT and NLP are, in my experience, some of the most powerful building blocks for change. This is why I use them along with practical strategies and techniques that I have personally developed during my professional career as a therapist. These are strategies that can be used “in the moment” giving clients empowering tools that they can use on a practical level whatever situation they find themselves in.

If you would like to change your life and find out more about how I can help you  just call me on 07970218451 and I will be happy to chat with you.

Hypnosis can help release you from the traumas of bullying

Have you been bullied? Hypnosis, NLP and EFT can help you achieve the life and confidence you really deserve.

Over the years I have worked with many clients who have been bullied at school or in the workplace. Some are in their middle age or older and some not long out of University. Some may come to see me about that issue itself and others will find that as we go through a session their past history of being bullied is a large part of the blocks that have been keeping them from achieving their goals and feeling confident and positive about themselves.

Bullying can take various forms including school bullying, work bullying and cyber bullying. Much aggressive behaviours can also come under the category of bullying. Bullying can be social, verbal or physical and may involve threats, taunts, embarrassment and even unsavoury gestures.

The long term effects of being bullied can be devastating and lead to depression, loneliness, lack of confidence and self esteem and sometimes the risk of suicide.

The good thing is that normally it really does not take a great deal of time to shift the old emotional wounds around the experience of having been bullied that will have often blighted people’s lives for many years. Using the appropriate techniques skilfully really helps clients make a massive turn around in their confidence and self-esteem.

Sometimes with this sort of work clients may initially feel worried that they will have to re experience and go through all the details of past uncomfortable ordeals. This need not be the case and the tools I use are deigned to achieve a rapid and permanent resolution with no, or very little discomfort. Also it is not necessary to have a conscious memory of the events to be able to release them. The unconscious mind will protect us if the conscious mind finds it too much to handle however it is still possible to clear this information even though it may not be accessible to the conscious mind. Releasing the past experiences means that they will no longer have a hold over one’s life.

A good therapist can make a massive difference to a person’s life so taking your time to find someone you will feel comfortable working with is very important. My goal is not only to help clients through their trauma in the most comfortable way possible but to give them tools that they can take with them to continue building the life that they deserve with confidence and self belief.

Hypnosis, NLP and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) are valuable resources I use on a daily basis with my clients to help them achieve their goals and become the person that they want to be. I also incorporate simple but empowering strategies that I have developed over the years that give my clients the ability to adjust their feelings and experiences in the moment wherever they are and whatever they are doing. This is an amazingly empowering experience and can help anyone gain inner confidence and self belief.

If you would like to free yourself from the tyranny of past or present bullying do call me 07970218451 or email roger@rogerfoxwell.co.uk and I will be happy to let you know how I can help.

Overactive Bladder

Overactive Bladder issues

About 10% of men and women over the age of 65 have bladder control issues but this issue is not just a problem for people in that age range.

If you find yourself suffering from this issue, as with any physical symptom the first place to go is to your GP so that you can get a medical diagnosis. There can be various physical issues relating to urinary incontinence so it is important to get checked out first.

I have been helping a couple of clients recently with what the advertisements on television would term “overactive bladder”. However there are often other issues such as anxiety and unconscious triggers that may be contributing to this. We are probably only connected with 5 to 10% of of our conscious awareness since our body and mind is constantly making decisions for us beneath out conscious awareness. Now this is absolutely crucial since we just don’t have the time or the tools to monitor everything that is going on in our system. Being able to hand over the everyday running of our bodily functions and place our familiar habits in the control of our autonomic nervous system allows us to comfortably continue carrying out our everyday activities without sending our brains into serious overload while we can pay attention to the experiences we want to focus on.

Now this all works fine most of the time but every now and then we may be getting messages from our unconscious to our conscious mind that we don’t necessarily need to act on at that particular moment. For instance we are all familiar with the truism that the sound of running water may bring on a desire to go for a pee. It may not have even occurred to us before we hear it but that sound can immediately trigger the sensation of needing to pass water. Anxiety can play a large part in this and once we begin to get anxious around it then our unconscious may begin to start triggering messages for other events and it can soon start to pray on the mind. Soon the body and mind may begin to react with that message at all sorts of inconvenient times. Then the bladder will become less used to holding as much fluid as before and so a vicious cycle begins to take over.

I use hypnosis and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to help clients relax around this issue and also to be able to recognise and control the triggers. This process really helps regain control on a physical and unconscious level. It is good to have a techniques such as Kegel exercises to help on a physical level but unless we can recognise when we are being driven by automatic unconscious triggers then it is much harder to make the physical exercises work as efficiently.

Below are a couple of useful sites that may help but remember that there is help available without resorting to over the counter drugs and having to suffer awkwardness and embarrassment around this problem.

If you would like to know more call me (07907218451) or email and I will be happy to help you.


Mercola article

 (Kegel exercises for men)
(Kegel exercises for women)

Prescription Drug Addiction

Prescription Drug Addiction and how hypnosis can help

Drug abuse is something that is never far away from the news but prescription drug addiction is an issue that is not so often discussed.

Abuse of prescribed drugs can take the form of taking pills prescribed for someone else, overuse of painkillers or tranquillisers, asking for repeat prescriptions before the last one has run out, a feeling of dependency on the drug and many other variations. Even over the counter drugs can be addictive and can have very serious side effects if taken out-with the recommended dosage.

 

The problem is learning how to come off prescription medication (which always should be done under medical supervision) and finding out why there appears to be a need to take this medication inappropriately.

I have successfully worked with clients in this area for many years and similarly when treating smoking, food issues and substance abuse, hypnotherapy has a very powerful and effective track record in helping people with all sorts of addictions. I use a combination of Hypnosis, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and NLP plus simple but effective techniques that my clients can take with them and use to continue at home thus continuing the work done in the therapy room. This helps regain that feeling of control that is much needed for addiction issues and speed up the process of recovery. Even pain can be alleviated with

hypnosis which may help reduce medication when medically appropriate.

If you or anyone you know has a problem getting off prescription (or over the counter) medication it is important to get help from your GP and also look for good professional therapeutic help to remove the cravings and deal with any issues that may have led up to the addiction.

For more information call 07970218451 or email roger@rogerfoxwell.co.uk and I will be happy to help and answer any questions you may have.

Hypnosis for Blushing & Anxiety Disorders

Does Blushing Embarrass You?

Blushing is generally triggered by a perceived embarrassment or anxiety. When we blush (and we all do at some time or other) it is an involuntary experience triggered by the Sympathetic Nervous System. When we are embarrassed or under stress the nervous system opens the blood vessels below the surface of the skin causing reddening of the face. For some, once an episode of blushing has occurred then there can be a constant worry it will happen again. Of course by now the nervous system is on full alert and looking for any situation that might trigger the blushing again. It then becomes a habitual response leading to even more anxiety and loss of confidence.

Fortunately Hypnotherapy is one of the most effective and rapid ways to treat blushing. In my experience in just one or two sessions clients will often have this under control.

Here are some ways you can help your body and mind desensitise to blushing:

Allowing it to happen may seem contradictory but trying to stop it happening only makes things worse. It is the body’s automatic response and by using whatever ways we can to let go of any anxiety around the situation your body will find this response less and less near the surface. In other words however uncomfortable it may seem at first just let it happen with no self recriminations. This is a big step towards breaking the cycle.
Check your breathing. Learn some simple abdomen breathing to help settle any anxiety around this and help you to feel more comfortable in day to day situations. Breathing deeper into the abdomen will help the nervous system balance itself in a healthy way.
Remember blushing does not diminish you as a person and virtually everybody has had blushing experiences in their life.

Help is at hand, there really is no need to continue your life with this uncomfortable experience.

To find out more information about how hypnotherapy and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) can help virtually anyone release the intensity and anxiety around blushing  just call or email and I will be happy to help with any questions you may have or to book an appointment for you.

Flying Phobia

One of my posts deals with Flying Phobia so it is always nice to get a text back from a recent client when they arrive home from their holiday and no phobia. A recent client wanted to go to Spain with her friends but was absolutely terrified of flying and had already backed out of a previous holiday for that reason.

We had one initial session a few weeks before she was due to fly and she immediately found that she really was not worrying about it anymore at all. However as the date got closer she began to experience some of the old feelings so thought she had better come and see me for a back up session.

It is interesting working with something such as flying since the conscious mind is often not quite sure whether any change has occurred. Until you experience stepping onto the plane you don’t know consciously if the therapy has worked. Although our conscious mind knows that our fear is irrational and unfounded it is interesting that when our unconscious allows us to let go of the fear the conscious often still needs proof and is still not always totally convinced. This is where we need to trust this creative part of ourselves and avoid too many internal questions as the positive change becomes a natural experience.

Hypnosis allows us to bypass our conscious questioning and that is exactly what we did in the session just a couple of days before her holiday. It also allows us to visualise a sequence of events in such a way that they become, in a sense, real. Visualising the flight and other important details whilst connecting it to feelings of relaxation and calm can, according to research, be as powerfully compelling as experiencing the real thing.

Oh yes, and here is the text she sent me when she got home:

“Hi Roger just bk my hol was absolutely fab i was gr8 on plane was a bit nervous at 1st then completely went away quite enjoyed it defo do it again i even fell asleep on the way back … thanks very much”

The initial “bit nervous at 1st” is an example of the conscious mind still not quite believing that it really can feel safe. However when the unconscious has been reprogrammed powerfully enough the conscious mind is then able to take a back seat and just relax.  Somewhere within us we really do know how to make these changes and by allowing that part to do what it needs to do and change what it needs to change  the new feelings will naturally become fully integrated into our actual live experience.