Who is the most important person in your life?
Many clients who come to see me for help with confidence have often forgotten about the most important person in their lives. For instance, carers, parents, and people working in the caring professions are so often doing so much amazing work supporting everyone around them that it’s easy to forget about themselves. When they come to see me they may be looking for more confidence, to experience less stress, and to be able to deal with whatever other issues they have in their lives. Often our default thinking is that we must unrelentingly give all our energy to everyone else leaving us feeling empty and passed by. However, for so many years we have been mainly focusing so much on other people that we have forgotten to think about the most important person in the equation – ourselves. To think that you are the most important person often contradicts the
Why do we overthink so much?
We can often blame rumination or continually mentally analysing things in our life as an achilles heal in our thinking. But part of this habit could go back to our ancient ancestors’ need to keep themselves safe. We are all evolved from our early ancestors who would, even before speech, have to keep themselves safe as they mapped out the days’ chores in their minds. Just as we do now. However they couldn’t reach for Google Maps to guide them safely out of their village. To get past the large tree on the left a mile down the road that often had dangerous snakes around would mean them going back into their memory banks and visualising all the options. They could always take the other route alongside the river but if they did they would have to make sure the river was safe to cross. And of course they had
How Heart Coherence can help you experience a more relaxed and balanced life
If you feel you would like more control over your heart rate Heart Coherence is a simple but very effective way to do that. You may feel your heart rate quickening up and slowing down in the different situations in your life and this is what our heart is supposed to do. If we are stressed the body and mind can easily trigger straight into a Fight or Flight response to protect us from danger. This is our primal brain kicking in. In modern life, we are not normally living in the actual jungle. However, we are, in effect often in a different jungle as we deal with modern-day stress and worry. This can easily put us in a physical and mental place whereby our primitive protective part becomes continually switched on. Of course, this can be very unhealthy when there is no real danger about and the stress of
How long will it take for body and mind to heal?
Understandably we are all looking for ways that we can make change as quickly and effectively as possible. Unfortunately, that inner need to get “instant results” can often be the one thing that slows or even blocks us from achieving the best outcomes and experiences we are looking for. This is linked with our nervous system’s need to feel safe and whole quickly, and get body and mind back on track and healing. However, the very thought of us “trying” to relax and “trying” to heal sets up exactly the opposite outcome to the one we are hoping for. This is the sort of thinking pattern that will unconsciously set up resistance, doubt, and worry in the mind placing us back in the very mindset that blocks our healing connections. Then the ventral vagus nerve senses pressure and doubt putting us back into a “not safe” state thereby generating more
Pain and feeling safe
There are 3 words I write at the top of virtually every client’s notes at the start of the first session. “Am I Safe?” Whatever anyone comes to see me for and whatever the issue it is nearly always governed by this question. This is why I generally start a session working not on the presenting issue but helping clients learn how to manage their own nervous system. Without that we have no foundation for body and mind to build a life experience that we will “feel safe” in. If we can’t manage that part of our physiology then we will always unconsciously be looking out for danger as if we were in the jungle. As I mentioned in an earlier post that part of us (Fight or Flight) will always kick in if we need it. However when it is switched on permanently we are unable to heal. We
Why you can’t clear your old traumas and how you can!
So you would like to do some work on life traumas that have blighted your past, release them and get back to enjoying your life in the ways you would like to. But when you think about it you realize that you probably can’t remember all the traumas you have experienced. And then you realize that maybe there were traumas that you didn’t at the time realize were traumas. And what about that week you were in hospital when you were 3 years old, that must have been traumatic. And come to think of it so must have getting born been traumatic! But you can’t remember it, can you? And what about the traumas that are carried through our family’s DNA and passed on to us through grandparents’ and parents DNA? We’re not blaming anyone because that is how it works but now we have traumas you know about, traumas
Important! Keep Your Inner Child Safe!
We all have our own inner child within us. This is a part of you that has grown up with you from birth to your present age. If you’re not sure if you have an Inner Child think about how you feel in demanding situations, or if you regress to childish behaviors when you don’t get your own way. You may be behaving like a teenager or an eight year old at school. Now there is nothing wrong with your inner child and nothing wrong with you, it’s just that our inner child is still just that. A child. It doesn’t want to bring up a family, run a business or go to work. It wants to play. No wonder it gets childish when it doesn’t get what it wants. However there is a way to help support your inner child and yourself. We must Grow Up in a way