Can you afford not to forgive?

How easy do you find it to forgive? I think for most of us it is a very hard thing to do and seems to go against every primal instinct in our body and mind. We may spend weeks, months, years or even a lifetime, harbouring thoughts of retribution and revenge but where does that get us?

The interesting thing is that if for a moment we can bring our thoughts out of our primal (or reptilian) brain (yes we all have one of those!) and into our frontal cortex (put your palm above your eyebrows and over your forehead.. yes, you’ve got it) the thinking part of our brain knows that we are the only one hurting ourselves whilst the perpetrator is most likely away enjoying their life free of any of the malignant feelings that are keeping us stuck in a very painful place.

OK, we may be right and they may be wrong. We can all do righteousness can’t we? But the truth is it is only ourselves who are hurting, and tainting our lives and future with poisonous thinking.

Now I am not saying that this is easy but it is worth thinking about isn’t it? I say to my clients that we can “do” forgiving as a purely selfish act and that is OK. Why do I think it is OK? Simply because it is better than ruining the rest of your life in a state of hatred and turmoil while the other party gets on with their life, most likely without a second thought!

Another valuable part of forgiveness is to forgive oneself. Yes this is important but something we don’t always think of. Forgive yourself for getting into that mess, for being taken in, for not seeing it coming. Whatever it is forgive and allow yourself to move on. If forgiveness is just a step too far at the moment then use the word accept. Acceptance also helps us move forward with our own lives without bringing past issues and personalities along with us on our journey.

The quality of your journey is more important than anything else and the less baggage you carry around the   better your life experiences will be, now and in the future. And also this is very important for everyone around you . It can be a tough, tough call but just start breaking the resistance down bit by bit and you will find the changes will free you to live and enjoy the life you deserve.

If you need help with forgiveness, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is one of the most rapid and powerful ways to release yourself from past history and rebuild your life. Youtube EFT or click this link to give it a go on your own, EFT tapping forgiveness  or just get in touch with me and I will be happy to help with any support, questions or advice.

Learn how a simple change in awareness can help you feel better about life

A mindful tip to enhance your happiness and add a little extra pleasure to your life

Although there is no doubt that it could make our lives more comfortable we have all heard the saying “money can’t buy you happiness”. So if money can’t make us happy what can and what can we do to get more of this thing called happiness? After all if we can find the secret to happiness it should be easy shouldn’t it? Just follow a simple set of rules and just be – well, happy?

But what does it actually feel like and what do we have to do that will “switch on” that feeling of pleasure, satisfaction and real meaning in our lives? Of course if I knew the answer to that I would be an extremely rich person and also have the “answer” to happiness! A win, win situation don’t you think?

However I do have one or two useful tips that I use to help myself and my clients engage with a mindfulness mindset that helps one highlight and acknowledge the subtle things that are happening around us all the time that will give us pleasure if we allow ourselves a few moments to acknowledge them.

By now we should pretty much on the same page and agreed that money and consumer items may give a passing experience of pleasure but there is often still a feeling that something is missing.

A few years ago while I was wrestling with my thoughts over this conundrum it suddenly struck me that the experiences I was looking for were happening all around me pretty much all the time but the problem was that I just wasn’t paying enough attention to them. For instance when I walked out of the front door and the sun was shining it may have registered somewhere in my brain that it was a pleasant experience but had I truly connected with it and acknowledged it in a way that would help me experience a meaningful difference to my day?

Then I realised the answer was staring me in the face at which point it all looked so obvious. If I could make that subtle and almost imperceptible fleeting experience just a little stronger and last a just a little longer what would happen and how would it impact the rest of my day? One thing I did know was that every time we get a pleasurable experience the mind subtly switches gear and sends an alpha wave (pleasant dreamy feeling) across the brain.

Now there was still one small problem, how would I, without interrupting my stride, simply and easily strengthen this message?

For those of us on Facebook we all know that there is a “like” button and Facebook knows a lot more about what is going on in our brains than we might want to imagine. When you press the “like button” or someone reciprocates a pleasurable alpha wave automatically and unconsciously flits across your brain giving you a little dose of the feel good factor (dopamine). Simple isn’t it? So there and then I just started pressing my own “like” button in my mind whenever I saw the opportunity. It may have been the sun coming out, noticing the colour of a flower or enjoying a pleasant coffee break, in fact anything that was simple and pleasurable that I may have missed or discounted as trivial or had just been passing me by while my ego had been focusing on “important stuff.”

So why is it so effective and yet so simple? Because your creative mind “likes” simple (or rather creative) and doesn’t need a mathematical formula or algorithm to make powerful change.

So try it out. It is simple, it takes up no time, no one knows you are doing it and it could help you experience a little more happiness and pleasure in your day, every day.

Press your own “like” button and have fun.

If you would like more information about how Hypnosis, EFT and NLP could make a real difference in your life just call me on 07970218451 or email and I will be happy to help.

 

Body image, confidence and Hypnosis

There is a post doing the rounds on Facebook at the moment that says “want a bikini body? Put on a bikini and stop giving a s*** what everyone else thinks!!”

Fighting talk, and amusing enough if you don’t actually care what people think. However many  people worry very much about “what everyone else thinks” and it can be very hard to acquire the confidence and thick skin to ignore those thoughts. “What other people think of me is none of my business” is one of my favorite quotes but we live in a culture that celebrates celebrity. We have celebrities on our TVs and ipads every moment of the day setting new trends in fashion, body image and status. Also we may be struggling with past conditioning without even knowing what it is that is keeping us in a low self esteem, lack of confidence mindset.

Lack of confidence in ourselves emotionally and lack of confidence on a physical level will have a profound effect on how we act, react and communicate in pretty much all our everyday communications, social and business . This obsession with body image and how we perceive ourselves and imagine others perceive us can easily tip over into even more destructive issues such as depression and eating disorders so it is important to get good professional help to turn this around and get one’s life back.

No one should have to spend their lives short changing themselves on confidence, happiness and self respect and although the reasons behind these feelings may be complex that does not mean it need take a long time and a lot of therapy sessions to turn this around. Techniques such as Hypnosis, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) can help achieve real and positive freedom from this state often in a remarkably short period of time.

All these techniques have a positive track record in achieving rapid and lasting change that other therapies cannot always match. If we could change just by thinking consciously and knowing consciously what we want to change then it would not in most cease be a problem. However it is rarely as simple as that. However the reason that change can be so rapid and effective with these therapies is that they all help connect with our creative unconscious, the very part of us that has the tools to reprogramme our feelings and thoughts.

It may feel a daunting task to turn something such as this round but with the right help it can be a life affirming experience that has the promise to make massive change in a very healthy way.

If you would like any more information just call or email and I will be very happy to help.

“I can’t believe so much has changed in my thinking in the last few weeks., and I feel in a different place again. I am so much more confident and positive. Thank you.” – DG

Can hypnosis help you have a better day?

“What would you like to have happen today?” is a phrase often used by therapists as an initial question given to a client at the beginning of a session. Written down like this it can seem a bit stilted and awkward sounding but if you ask yourself this very question right now notice for a second what your mind is doing? Just ask yourself “What would I like to have happen today?” and think about it for a moment. You may notice that your mind will be making a search or reference for something that could be a possible match to what you would “like to have happen”.

In general we seek therapy when there is an issue in our lives that is causing us discomfort. It will be an issue that we don’t want and an issue we would like to remove from our life in one way or another. Naturally the main focus of one’s thoughts when in this state is “can the therapist remove this unpleasant feeling?” However, have we thought about what sort of experience we would like to have in our lives once the issue is resolved?

Just think for a moment about what would happen if you wanted to move from where you live now because for various reasons it had become unsuitable for your needs and life style. You wouldn’t just move out without giving any thought to what would be the important things you would like in your new home and neighborhood that are not available where you are at present.

And so it is when we are looking for emotional change in our lives. Whether to relieve anxiety, lose weight or gain confidence what we are looking for is the end goal and how it is going to change our lives in the future. In other words it is very important to have an idea of how your life is going to change for the better and how you would like to experience life in the future rather than only thinking about what you don’t want.

“And what will you notice when you have made these changes?”

This is another powerful question I often ask as the client begins to experience, in their imagination, subtle shifts in perception and understanding. They may have already created in their mind walking onto a plane with no fear and anxiety or confidently giving a presentation at work. Because the change that they have begun to develop will make a massive difference to their holiday or their confidence in the workplace this will be the time for their unconscious to share this information with the conscious mind and positively strengthen the new neural connections that the brain is making.
Isn’t it interesting how just a couple of simple questions trigger so much change without us even knowing how it happens? We have moved from negative to positive without even noticing it. Suddenly the mind is focusing on what you do want much more than what you don’t want! It’s just like hypnosis isn’t it?

So what would you like to have happen today?
If you would like to make exceptional changes in your life or experience your life more positively on a daily basis do get in touch and find out how I can help you.

If you would like more information or to book a session just call or email me and I will be happy to help.

“Hi Roger, Thank you very much for today, it’s left me in a great mood!” – BD

Even Tiger Woods can get the “Yips”

Even Tiger Woods can fall victim to the “Yips”

Tiger Woods has had his fair share of golfing problems recently how Tiger got the yips Hainey and now to add to that it appears that he has been suffering from the yips around the greens. Once the master of the most any shot in the bag it seems that at one point recently even a simple chip shot was not always guaranteed to land on the green for him.

What it must feel like for a pro of any standing let alone Tiger’s it is hard to imagine but for the amateur whose head gets infiltrated with this toxic experience it may not be the end of their profession but it will certainly take out a major percentage of the pleasure in their golf game.

There seems only limited expert help out there for this problem and working with a pro on your stroke whether putting or chipping is important to help you to have a clear idea of the correct way execute the stroke. However it is not guaranteed that the brain will obey these instructions once the problem has started and this is where finding someone with the knowledge of the psychology of the game, and with knowledge of techniques to help the brain and body re route these mistimed messages whilst quietening the “demons in the head” that seem to sabotage every thought of hitting a clean shot is invaluable.

I work very successfully in this area with pro and amateur golfers and also in such sports as snooker, darts and tennis. The first thing is to halt the stream of negative self talk that drains any possibility of confidence and for this I use a simple mental phrases that you can take with you and say to yourself wherever you are and whatever the situation. Instead of using the usual “pump me up” power phrases such as “let’s go for it” and “in the hole” try saying to yourself any time you have a negative thought “that thought is not available”. You will be able to use the other phrases later but one step at a time.

Sounds too simple to be true doesn’t it but the reason it works so effectively is that it is a post hypnotic suggestion. In other words it bypasses the conscious mind and embeds itself in the unconscious whereas anything like the previous phrase will just get batted backwards and forwards round the conscious mind. And it is imperative to clear the negative debris that has been left from past negative experience before we can start putting in positive affirmations that we will believe.

Part of my work in this area deals with “mind tips and techniques” that will help tune the mind and thoughts to a much more positive level The other part is using very simple but specialist techniques to reconfigure the brain circuits. Because the proprioceptive messages from brain to body that trigger the muscular responses are jumbled and distorted then we must have ways available that will cancel out the misdirected information and set up a clear path for clean messages to take their place. How would it feel to have available available simple techniques that will help build a much closer connection and feeling of what your muscles are doing that can literally begin to rewire your physical responses?

I know how powerful these techniques are simply because I have developed and used them successfully over the years in my own experience of years performing in front of large audiences as a professional musician. (Yes musicians can suffer from their own forms of the yips as well) This has meant my developing a unique but powerful set of tools, techniques and strategies aimed at helping performers in all areas achieve their best outcome for their skills and pleasure in their hobby or profession.
For more information just call or email and I will be happy to help you in person or over Skype.

“Sorry I’ve not been in touch, but it’s really just to say thanks. Since we met I have worked away at the swing thoughts we spoke about and have banished completely my short game problem. I don’t even acknowledge that word anymore my game is great even if its not went as well as I would have liked. I don’t have the same feeling of dread I used to have on approaching short shots or chips and my enjoyment of the game has improved greatly. So thanks again Roger.” CW

EFT can help you make remarkable changes in your life

I have been using EFT in my practice for many years now and it never ceases to amaze me how simple and effective this technique is. If you want a technique that you can use and take with you “in your back pocket” wherever you are and whatever circumstances you are in then EFT is the obvious choice.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) has been around now for 20 years and was developed by Gary Craig from Roger Callaghan’s Thought Field Therapy. It is termed as an energy psychology and works by tapping on certain acupressure points around the body whilst verbalising (internally or out loud) the issues you are working on.

It is a favourite technique of mine and often clients will come in with no knowledge of it and I will demonstrate to them without initially explaining it a simple round of tapping on the specific points to see what experience they get. They may look a bit perplexed as we begin the “round” tapping on the side of the hand then tapping with the fingers on 7 points around the body whilst reciting the problem out loud. The interesting thing is that even after one or two rounds which will take only a minute of two at most, their face and body will relax and when I ask them how they feel they will usually say, with a pleasantly surprised look on their face, “well, I seem to feel a bit more relaxed”.
This almost instant reduction in the discomfort of the problem is to me proof that meaningful and powerful change has already begun. We may have only just started the session and the work we will do but now my client is also learning a technique that will help empower them on a daily basis. And this will be a technique they will soon learn and be able to take with them and use without me having to be there. As I say to clients “I don’t know what you will be thinking at 5 o’clock tomorrow any more than I know what I will be thinking at 5 o’clock tomorrow” but if it is something you want to deal with then EFT can help you deal with it on the spot.

The well respected complimentary medicine and nutrition expert, osteopath and best selling author Dr Mercola has written various articles about the benefits of EFT and has a video and information about how effective it can be for relieving stress and tension headaches.

EFT can help with many issues including:

Phobia – Sickness phobia – Animals phobia – Insects phobia
Fear of water – Fear of darkness – Social phobia – Night phobia – Fear of plants – Any simple or complex Phobia
Stress – Anxiety – Tenseness – Insecurity – Nervousness – Anger – Hate – Grief – Depression – Guilt – Feeling incompetent
Fear of abandonment – Fear of the future – Fear of persons – Fear of the unknown – Fear of death
Traumatic memory: Rejection, Failure, Duress, Abandonment, Accident, Abuse, Rape, Love pain
Headache – Nervous stomach-ache – Back pain – Pain in the neck – Carpal tunnel syndrome
Pre-menstrual syndrome – Physical pain with no organic cause – Constipation – Irritable bowel – Jaw tightness
Asthma – Constricted breath – Dyspnoea – Chronic diseases – Hypertension – Hypotension – tachycardia – Arrhythmia
Sexual problems (non organic) – Myopia – Vision problems – Allergies of any kind
Dyslexia – Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) – Learning problems – Low school grades
Panic attacks – Bulimia  – Cravings – Anorexia nervosa – Overeating – Specific food dislike
Drugs – Alcohol – Smoking – Addictive food – Nervous habits
Plus general improvement and happiness in one’s personal and professional life: 

Self-confidence – Self-image – Better relationships – Forgiveness – Procrastination – Goal achievement – Work performance – Sport performance – Personal peace
To find out more about how Emotional Freedom Technique can help you just get in touch and I will be happy help.

Have been meaning to get back to you for ages to say thank you so much for your support with myChronic Fatigue Syndrome. As you know we met just before a very big trip abroad. The two sessions really helped lift my energy levels pretty much from zero to high enough to allow me to pack and get myself to the airport, which was looking a bit doubtful at that point in time.Your techniques supported me throughout the 3 months I was away and I would recommend your methods and support for anyone living with this condition.
Thanks again

EFT attracts more positive media attention

Janey Lee Grace is a popular Radio presenter who worked and presented her own radio show for Virgin Radio and can be heard on Steve Wright’s BBC Radio 2 afternoon show. Someone with many talents she has been a singer, she is a Media Interview Skills coach and her book “Imperfectly Natural Woman” was an instant number 1 best seller on Amazon.

Her keen interest in Holistic and Complimentary therapies including her natural series of hypnotherapy CD’s for natural pregnancy and childbirth led her to investigate EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). She was so impressed with the technique that she took a course and qualified as a practitioner. Her story about how this happened is presented below
https://janeyleegrace.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/tapping-away-eft-styleya-convert.html
EFT is a wonderful therapeutic technique and something more and more practitioners are adding to their repertoire. It is extremely valuable having someone such as Janey Lee Grace to help spread the message about this remarkably simple but amazingly powerful technique.

 

Like everything else it is important to learn how to use it from a good practitioner but once learnt it will serve as an invaluable tool to help you continue to deal with whatever comes up in your life now and in the future. I use it on a regular basis with my clients and have clients from the medical profession and sport and performing arts who continue to use it in their personal life and careers. It has certainly helped change my life and the lives of my clients in many positive ways and continues to do so.

If you would like to know more about how EFT, Hypnosis, NLP and the other powerful techniques I use could help you make amazing changes in your life just call or email me and I will be happy to help you.

Worry, Anxiety and Stress – the facts and figures

Can you stop yourself worrying?

As Mark Twain said in his famous quote “I have known a great many troubles in my life but most of them have never happened”

Many of us spend a lot of our lives worrying about things that seem at the time very important. And yet however overwhelmed we feel by these worries we are “still here at the end of the day to tell the tale.” This is not to say that there are not things in life that we may describe as legitimate worries. But the interesting thing is that when we really have something important to worry about we are often suddenly able to galvanise ourselves into action and deal with the situation in a way that it is hard to imagine possible with minor issues.

So what are the figures when it comes to categorising the quality of worry in our lives? It makes interesting reading.

40% Never happens
30% Has already happened
22% Needless worries
8% Actually happens

Of the last 8% –
4% We have some control over
4% Beyond our control

Putting it into perspective such as this can be a valuable way to help rationalise our responses and manage or defuse them.

However if you think you still need some tools and techniques that will really help you get on with your life there are two tools that I have found to be among the best to help release the demon of constant stress, worry and anxiety about things.

Hypnotherapy and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)

Why do I think Hypnosis and EFT are so good at helping us make change? Because they speak to the unconscious mind, the part of us that does not have the reasoning powers of the conscious mind but the part that generates change from the creative part of the mind. Most smokers would know logically they should stop like most of us know how to lose a few pounds if we want to lose weight but the conscious mind deals in logic and the bridge to logic and making a change is much harder to cross than the creative bridge from our unconscious. We may consciously know every step we should take but taking those steps is another matter. Harnessing the power of our creative unconscious can really clear the way to making amazing changes in our lives.

If you would like to know more about the techniques I use and how my experience has given me the opportunity to develop strategies that are practical yet amazingly effective to help relieve that uncomfortable “background noise” that is worry just call or email and I will be very happy to chat with you.

Hair pulling (Trichotillomania) and how Hypnosis can help

Hypnosis and EFT to help stress and hair pulling issues

Trichotillomania is an emotional disorder similar to OCD. It involves pulling body hairs out, usually one at a time to help experience some form of relaxation or stress relief. Obviously one or two hairs pulled out will not be noticed but continuous hair pulling will soon mean a noticeable bald patch appearing. This will generally add to the distress and hiding the problem becomes another problem in itself. Hair is often pulled from the head but can be from the eyebrows or pubic hair.

The hair pulling can take the form of a ritual, until it feels “just right” or be an automatic, often unconscious action. In psychological terms it may be a way of relieving stress or anxiety, a form of self harm or an addictive behavior that temporarily relieves the symptoms.

As I suggest to clients it is important first to get a medical opinion, however there are various psychological therapies that can be used, hypnosis being one of them. I help treat clients with this issue using hypnosis, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) NLP and very importantly helping build the clients’ confidence and self worth.

A recent client was a student who was using the hair pulling to relieve stress around her university course and the pressure of exams. She was pulling hair from her eyebrows but after one session had reduced the habit considerably and after three sessions was feeling much less anxious, more confident and happy and had stopped it altogether. As with any addictive or compulsive behavior it is important to be prepared for stress triggers in the future and have in place effective tools to deal with such situations. We all know that no one is immune from stress and that there will be times in our lives when it will be impossible to avoid so being prepared to deal with it effectively when or if it arises is very important.

I find hypnosis and EFT a very powerful combination of therapies that offer clients tools that will last them a lifetime and help them regain and continue to keep control of their lives even when the therapy is concluded.

If you would like to discuss any of these issues just call or email me and I will be happy to chat with you.

Magic phrases to release anxiety in life

Try these 3 Magic Phrases” and let go of anxiety and worry

Do you find yourself worrying about things or feeling anxious without really knowing why? Do you sometimes experience the constant aggravation of uncontrolled thoughts buzzing around your head? I think we all experience this at times but it can get out of hand keeping us distracted during the day and awake at night. We may tell ourselves to stop thinking such thoughts or to try harder to think of something else but that rarely seems to make any difference. So no amount of stern talking to yourself seems to have any effect and in fact may even be making the situation worse! Why is it that these stock phrases and interventions appear to make no difference whatsoever? The reason is that they are all expressed in a way that the conscious mind understands but, as we know, the conscious mind has a lot to say about what we should or shouldn’t be doing but is often short on strategies to actually make the changes we want. Smokers know they want to stop, we might know we want to lose weight and yet we know that there is rarely any value in constant worry but our conscious mind does not always seem to have the tools to make the changes we would like. If it did, there would be no need for hypnotherapy or any therapy at all because we would just give ourselves the message to quit doing or thinking something and the problem would go away like magic!

So how and where can we communicate our needs when we really need to make a change? The answer is with our unconscious mind, our inner mind, the subconscious. Whatever term you use this is a part of you that does not work in logic, formulas or mathematical equations. This part of the mind works with pictures, colours, intuition and is connected to our feelings and instincts and knows how to make changes beyond our conscious awareness. In fact we do not really think consciously because thoughts just seem to appear from our unconscious. Below are my “3 Magic Questions” and they are all aimed at communicating with your creative mind. Because the big obstacle is getting them past the conscious mind they are designed to do that by being formed in a language pattern that the conscious mind does not understand. At first if you read them they may not make a lot of sense but actually they make perfect sense to the creative mind so while the conscious mind is busying itself trying to work out what on earth this could mean the subconscious understands it perfectly! Ask yourself this question, when did you last MAKE yourself feel different about something? All you have to do now is say the phrase to yourself. Just let your unconscious mind work that one out for you. No need to question whether anything has changed or did it work? Your unconscious creative mind knows how to do this and questions put this way are just what it needs to help make a change. This is why hypnotists often use phrases in a way that you would not normally use them in everyday speech. This communication bypasses the conscious mind allowing the information to go straight to the unconscious. Have fun with them and see what happens! My 3 Magic Questions “If my inner mind knows how I would like to feel, how would it do this for me?” “If my inner mind knows how I would like to feel, how would I know that something had changed?” “If my inner mind makes that change now how do I feel?” If you experience chronic and constant worry and anxiety that is really getting in the way of your life then it is a good idea to get professional help starting with your GP. As a Hypnotherapist, NLP and EFT practitioner I am regularly working with clients with anxiety issues with excellent success so if you would like to know more just call 07970218451 or email and I will be very happy to help.