Can you afford not to forgive?

How easy do you find it to forgive? I think for most of us it is a very hard thing to do and seems to go against every primal instinct in our body and mind. We may spend weeks, months, years or even a lifetime, harbouring thoughts of retribution and revenge but where does that get us?

The interesting thing is that if for a moment we can bring our thoughts out of our primal (or reptilian) brain (yes we all have one of those!) and into our frontal cortex (put your palm above your eyebrows and over your forehead.. yes, you’ve got it) the thinking part of our brain knows that we are the only one hurting ourselves whilst the perpetrator is most likely away enjoying their life free of any of the malignant feelings that are keeping us stuck in a very painful place.

OK, we may be right and they may be wrong. We can all do righteousness can’t we? But the truth is it is only ourselves who are hurting, and tainting our lives and future with poisonous thinking.

Now I am not saying that this is easy but it is worth thinking about isn’t it? I say to my clients that we can “do” forgiving as a purely selfish act and that is OK. Why do I think it is OK? Simply because it is better than ruining the rest of your life in a state of hatred and turmoil while the other party gets on with their life, most likely without a second thought!

Another valuable part of forgiveness is to forgive oneself. Yes this is important but something we don’t always think of. Forgive yourself for getting into that mess, for being taken in, for not seeing it coming. Whatever it is forgive and allow yourself to move on. If forgiveness is just a step too far at the moment then use the word accept. Acceptance also helps us move forward with our own lives without bringing past issues and personalities along with us on our journey.

The quality of your journey is more important than anything else and the less baggage you carry around the   better your life experiences will be, now and in the future. And also this is very important for everyone around you . It can be a tough, tough call but just start breaking the resistance down bit by bit and you will find the changes will free you to live and enjoy the life you deserve.

If you need help with forgiveness, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is one of the most rapid and powerful ways to release yourself from past history and rebuild your life. Youtube EFT or click this link to give it a go on your own, EFT tapping forgiveness  or just get in touch with me and I will be happy to help with any support, questions or advice.

Ernie Els gets the yips at the Masters.

Snakes in the brain

“Snakes in the brain” was one way the genial and talented prolific winner on the PGA tour Ernie Els described his putting meltdown on the first green at Augusta National golf course as he started the second round of the 2016 Masters golf tournament.

It took six putts to get the ball in the hole from just 3 feet and any golfer watching, amateur or professional would have felt like turning their eyes away as a four times Major winner and previous number one in the world had a disastrous meltdown with his putting stroke.

7 putts on first hole for Ernie Els

Well Ernie is not the only illustrious player to suffer with what in golfing terms is called “the yips” where the brain seems unable to convey to the muscles the clean and precise movement required to make the stroke. Last season Tiger Woods struggled with his chip shots which at times seemed to give the ball a mind of it’s own which did not include heading anywhere in the direction of the hole.

And golfers are not the only sports people to struggle with this problem in their careers. It can suddenly appear in the games of professional and amateur snooker, darts and cricket players. In fact any skill requiring a high level of subtle muscle, eye and brain co-ordination can become plagued by this seemingly irrational inability to carry out a movement that may have been working perfectly for years.

So what is going on here? Basically there is some sort of neurological interference with the regular messages that pass through the brain to the muscles resulting in a conflict between those messages and the movements that we have pre programmed into the muscles.

Now if you think you may be suffering from a Functional Neurological Disorder then the first step is to seek help from your medical practitioner. However this particular issue can be as much psychological as physical and I offer processes and techniques designed to help return the brain signals back to smooth natural communication. This is an area that I specialise in for musicians and sports people. In fact any situation that involves high levels of performance which could be winning a golf tournament or just writing one’s name in front of other people. Anything where pressure seems to break down the natural communications between body and brain.

To help get the body and brain back to clear communication it is not only the muscles and thinking that need to be examined but also our psychological state. The golfers yips or the violinist’s “pearlies” are often just the presenting symptoms of unconscious issues from past experiences that, unless resolved will continue to sabotage our best efforts to think clearly and act smoothly under pressure.

I work regularly in this area with professional and amateur golfers, snooker players, footballers musicians and have also presented workshops to performers and sports persons at Universities and Colleges around the country. In fact for any discipline that calls on us to perform at times out of our comfort zone and requires clear thinking, confidence and clarity of physical movement I offer a range of powerful strategies and techniques designed to take performance to the next level.

For more information just call or email me, 07970218451,  roger@rogerfoxwell.co.uk and I will be very happy to discuss this further.

Learn how a simple change in awareness can help you feel better about life

A mindful tip to enhance your happiness and add a little extra pleasure to your life

Although there is no doubt that it could make our lives more comfortable we have all heard the saying “money can’t buy you happiness”. So if money can’t make us happy what can and what can we do to get more of this thing called happiness? After all if we can find the secret to happiness it should be easy shouldn’t it? Just follow a simple set of rules and just be – well, happy?

But what does it actually feel like and what do we have to do that will “switch on” that feeling of pleasure, satisfaction and real meaning in our lives? Of course if I knew the answer to that I would be an extremely rich person and also have the “answer” to happiness! A win, win situation don’t you think?

However I do have one or two useful tips that I use to help myself and my clients engage with a mindfulness mindset that helps one highlight and acknowledge the subtle things that are happening around us all the time that will give us pleasure if we allow ourselves a few moments to acknowledge them.

By now we should pretty much on the same page and agreed that money and consumer items may give a passing experience of pleasure but there is often still a feeling that something is missing.

A few years ago while I was wrestling with my thoughts over this conundrum it suddenly struck me that the experiences I was looking for were happening all around me pretty much all the time but the problem was that I just wasn’t paying enough attention to them. For instance when I walked out of the front door and the sun was shining it may have registered somewhere in my brain that it was a pleasant experience but had I truly connected with it and acknowledged it in a way that would help me experience a meaningful difference to my day?

Then I realised the answer was staring me in the face at which point it all looked so obvious. If I could make that subtle and almost imperceptible fleeting experience just a little stronger and last a just a little longer what would happen and how would it impact the rest of my day? One thing I did know was that every time we get a pleasurable experience the mind subtly switches gear and sends an alpha wave (pleasant dreamy feeling) across the brain.

Now there was still one small problem, how would I, without interrupting my stride, simply and easily strengthen this message?

For those of us on Facebook we all know that there is a “like” button and Facebook knows a lot more about what is going on in our brains than we might want to imagine. When you press the “like button” or someone reciprocates a pleasurable alpha wave automatically and unconsciously flits across your brain giving you a little dose of the feel good factor (dopamine). Simple isn’t it? So there and then I just started pressing my own “like” button in my mind whenever I saw the opportunity. It may have been the sun coming out, noticing the colour of a flower or enjoying a pleasant coffee break, in fact anything that was simple and pleasurable that I may have missed or discounted as trivial or had just been passing me by while my ego had been focusing on “important stuff.”

So why is it so effective and yet so simple? Because your creative mind “likes” simple (or rather creative) and doesn’t need a mathematical formula or algorithm to make powerful change.

So try it out. It is simple, it takes up no time, no one knows you are doing it and it could help you experience a little more happiness and pleasure in your day, every day.

Press your own “like” button and have fun.

If you would like more information about how Hypnosis, EFT and NLP could make a real difference in your life just call me on 07970218451 or email and I will be happy to help.

 

Hypnosis and help for anger

Don’t get angry or get even – “get even tempered” with hypnosis!

How angry are you? Do you “lose it” over the slightest thing? Do you find yourself seething inside feeling as if no one ever understands you? Is your driving getting scarily aggressive and is everyone on the road “in your way”?

These are just a few of the symptoms we can experience when anger gets out of control and if so it is time to get to work on it before things get much worse.

There are lots of ways we can express our anger, and anger is a natural human expression. It is also a very powerful primal instinct designed to keep us safe from dangerous situations and if it gets out of control can create havoc in our life and for the lives of those around us. In our modern world we are no longer in day to day hostile environment but “acting out” as if were can lead to many situations that are unhealthy, unsafe and dangerous.

Unchecked anger can ruin relationships, health and the enjoyment of life. It drives away family and friends, can lead to loss of jobs and income and even our freedom by making us do things we regret later. Controlling anger is not usually a difficult thing to do and once we have the skills and understanding about what is going. With this in place then life can begin to turn around into a pleasure rather than literally a continuous fight.

Anger triggers the “fight” part of the “fight or flight” response which when left unchecked starts to operates on an uncontrollable “hair trigger” and that is a very dangerous situation to get into.

Since we all are programmed to experience some anger it is important thing to be able to manage and control it in a healthy way. When we have the tools to do this the anger can be diffused and will not be able to hijack our emotions as it may have done in the past.

There are many ways to help guide one’s mind and thinking into a more relaxed and healthier pattern such as exercise, yoga, meditation, mindfulness and finding a hobby. However it can also be important to get some professional help. I use a variety of techniques such as hypnosis, EFT and NLP that are all designed to help clients regain control and enjoy their lives on a daily basis. Hypnosis is an exceptionally valuable tool to help teach the body’s nervous system how to relax and also release physically and emotionally. An expert professional will often be able to turn this around in two or three sessions and give you the tools to continue these changes on a daily basis.

If you would like any more information on this subject and the help available to enable you to make a remarkable difference in your life then please call or email and I will be very happy to help.

Hypnosis, alcohol addiction and “dry January”

So here we are halfway through January 2016 but also halfway through “dry January” which means taking up the challenge not to drink any alcohol until February. Alcohol Concern who are running The campaign point out the significant benefits such as weight loss, better sleep and of course more money in your pocket.

The question is, what happens on February 1st? On that day many people will make an important change in their habits and from their experience of “dry January” take stock of their situation. Having experienced the benefits of moderate drinking or even not drinking at they will make the decision to stop or cut down on their habit.

However writing in The British Medical Journal Ian Hamilton, lecturer at York University  raises the question whether after this 31 days abstinence it might just give some people unconscious permission to continue with their dangerous levels of drinking until the next New Year’s Day.

The good news is that according to research by Public Health England after the 2015 campaign 67%  of participants actually continued the changes they had made in January and were still maintaining a more healthy level of drinking after 6 months.

However if you find you are using drink to support or ignore other issues in your life this self medication is not a healthy way to deal with problems in one’s life especially on a long-term basis.

There is help available and just taking that first step to get help is the most important thing to do in this situation. There is a wide variety of options available from an appointment with your Doctor, a visit to AA and other specialist organisations that have the skills and knowledge to help. The sooner one deals with this the better and the sooner, as one long term alcoholic described it, the sooner one will be released from “living in the madness”

There can be many reasons why one may use alcohol but it is almost always to divert one’s attention from issues that at some point will need addressing. With the right help one can start to put one’s life back together and learn the skills that will make the difference between fulfilment and pleasure in life or a steady descent into “the madness”.

If you feel you may be “Living in the Madness” and would like to know more about how I help clients with addictions I will be pleased to discuss this with you. I offer powerful tools, strategies and techniques that have helped many of my clients completely rebuild their self belief, confidence and their lives. Please call or email and I will tell you how I can help you.

Why do New Year Resolutions often fail?

Happy New Year everybody. (January 2016)

Have you made a resolution yet? We are all definitely going to the gym every single day from now on,we are going to  stop eating those chocolate cakes and we are giving up the ciggies! Yes?

Luckily I don’t smoke and I exercise at home but.. chocolate. Hmm. See why I don’t normally make New Year Resolutions? Because like you I know how easy it is to break them and forget them.

So why do New Year Resolutions fail and why is it a smoker finds it so hard to stop doing something that they know is ruining their health and taking their hard earned money? They have probably tried to stop various times but have succumbed to temptation and soon been back to where they left off or worse. And why is it that by the end of January that daily visit to the gym is just a distant memory or those chocolate cakes that we struggled to “not buy” for three weeks seem to have magically appeared back in the cupboard?

One of the biggest reasons is that if we only use our conscious mind to make the change then we are missing out on a very important part of our mind that can help us make these changes easier, quicker and permanently. (And we all want it sorted quicker and easier don’t we?) The part that we are probably not using is our unconscious creative mind.

The unconscious creative sounds a bit scary or strange doesn’t it but in fact you have an unconscious creative mind that you are using all the time. If you want to get a newspaper you will start by creating a picture of the newspaper shop in your mind (think about it, it’s there already isn’t it?). Otherwise you would not be able to get there or even know you wanted a newspaper. Your unconscious mind is in charge of a massive proportion of the information you are experiencing every moment in your daily life which leaves you free to get on with making the everyday decisions that we all make in our lives. For instance which TV programme do I want to watch!

So here are a few answers to questions that you may have been asking yourself about hypnosis, and connecting with the unconscious mind to help you make effective and powerful change.

Question: So how can I engage that part of me and use it to make change?

Answer: There are lots of different ways and going into a trance (if you are in trance you are in hypnosis) is one of the most powerful.

Question: How do I go into a trance?

Answer: Just close your eyes right now and imagine a very relaxing and pleasant picture or feeling. There you are; do that and you have already engaged the alpha waves in your brain which are a sign that you are slipping into a daydream or trance. We are doing it all the time.

Question: Hypnosis? Won’t I be doing something that puts me under someone else’s control?

Answer: No, hypnosis is a natural state and we are all in various states of trance during the day. Hypnosis is just a method of utilising and channeling that experience in a way that works for you. You will create your own particular creative experience to make the change. Some people will use pictures, some sounds, some feelings or a mixture of all three. The therapist is just there to help guide the client into their own modality of creating change.

Question: Is it really that simple?

Answer: Yes. It certainly can be as many of my clients will testify. However it is important when making this change (or any other change you want) to have the firm decision that you really intend it to work and will do whatever is required to achieve your aim. Once that mindset is in place then it really does not matter whether you think you have very little willpower or that you never managed to achieve your goal before. Your unconscious creative mind is your real powerhouse of change.

If you would like more information or to book an appointment then please call or email me and I will be very happy to help.

Self Hypnosis, NLP and EFT. Three powerful therapeutic techniques

Are you looking for more from your life, your career, yourself, your relationships? Self Hypnosis, NLP and EFT can help make remarkable life changes.

How is your life today compared to the life you would like? Do you feel that something is missing, that you have so much more to offer but don’t know where to start? Is your career and confidence stalling and you feel you are just not getting the pleasure out of your life that you could? Perhaps this affecting your relationships?

What if strategies and techniques were available right now to help open the door to creativity, higher conscious awareness, inner peace and happiness?

Happiness is something that starts within and can’t be found outside ourselves and it is only when we have the good luck or the tools to help discover the secrets to generating happiness in our lives that we can truly begin to move towards our full potential.

Self Hypnosis, NLP, and EFT have within them many unique strategies for change and are powerful techniques that can help deliver the experiences in your life that you have been looking for. In fact in my experience they have within them vital tools and techniques to help begin to generate powerful change in confidence, self belief and inner peace that will last a lifetime.

Hypnosis not only helps us learn how relax but is a gateway to the unconscious from where we can access the brainwaves (Alpha and Theta) that open the doors to creative change and the release of blocks that may have been holding us back from fully believing in and engaging our unique talents.

NLP “a system of alternative therapy based on this which seeks to educate people in self-awareness and effective communication, and to change their patterns of mental and emotional behaviour.” Richard Bandler, co-founder of NLP

EFT is form of acupressure based on tapping on with your fingers on meridian points (the points an acupuncturist would put a needle in) while voicing any problems or issues that may need releasing and using positive affirmations to help channel one’s energy into a healthier direction. This helps relax our thinking and body thus clearing a path to moving one’s life on in an empowering way.

I use these techniques to help my clients make very positive and powerful changes in their lives and give them the tools to continue these changes into their future. By contacting a professional therapist who uses these techniques you can find that you could develop your self hypnosis confidence, building self esteem and creativity and quality of life rapidly and successfully.

Can hypnosis help you have a better day?

“What would you like to have happen today?” is a phrase often used by therapists as an initial question given to a client at the beginning of a session. Written down like this it can seem a bit stilted and awkward sounding but if you ask yourself this very question right now notice for a second what your mind is doing? Just ask yourself “What would I like to have happen today?” and think about it for a moment. You may notice that your mind will be making a search or reference for something that could be a possible match to what you would “like to have happen”.

In general we seek therapy when there is an issue in our lives that is causing us discomfort. It will be an issue that we don’t want and an issue we would like to remove from our life in one way or another. Naturally the main focus of one’s thoughts when in this state is “can the therapist remove this unpleasant feeling?” However, have we thought about what sort of experience we would like to have in our lives once the issue is resolved?

Just think for a moment about what would happen if you wanted to move from where you live now because for various reasons it had become unsuitable for your needs and life style. You wouldn’t just move out without giving any thought to what would be the important things you would like in your new home and neighborhood that are not available where you are at present.

And so it is when we are looking for emotional change in our lives. Whether to relieve anxiety, lose weight or gain confidence what we are looking for is the end goal and how it is going to change our lives in the future. In other words it is very important to have an idea of how your life is going to change for the better and how you would like to experience life in the future rather than only thinking about what you don’t want.

“And what will you notice when you have made these changes?”

This is another powerful question I often ask as the client begins to experience, in their imagination, subtle shifts in perception and understanding. They may have already created in their mind walking onto a plane with no fear and anxiety or confidently giving a presentation at work. Because the change that they have begun to develop will make a massive difference to their holiday or their confidence in the workplace this will be the time for their unconscious to share this information with the conscious mind and positively strengthen the new neural connections that the brain is making.
Isn’t it interesting how just a couple of simple questions trigger so much change without us even knowing how it happens? We have moved from negative to positive without even noticing it. Suddenly the mind is focusing on what you do want much more than what you don’t want! It’s just like hypnosis isn’t it?

So what would you like to have happen today?
If you would like to make exceptional changes in your life or experience your life more positively on a daily basis do get in touch and find out how I can help you.

If you would like more information or to book a session just call or email me and I will be happy to help.

“Hi Roger, Thank you very much for today, it’s left me in a great mood!” – BD

Are we healing or just “fighting a good fight”

Should we “fight” an illness or heal it?

 

These days we regularly hear phrases such as we will “beat this illness or must “battle” against it. On the surface this fighting talk can sound very positive and help demonstrate that we are not just going to lie down and let ourselves be walked over whatever the odds. This in itself may be no bad thing but are there other unforeseen consequences to using this sort of terminology. A recent study at the University of Lancaster found that using “war metaphors” in the “fight” against cancer may not always be as helpful as it might appear.

How often do we hear that someone has” lost their battle” against a serious illness. This type of terminology is glibly used by media, pundits and experts but does it help the person suffering and does it help people recover or prolong their lives? In fact although these battling terms may be helpful for charities to raise money interestingly Macmillan Cancer Support has consciously held back from this sort of terminology. According to researcher Elena Semino professor of linguistics and verbal art at Lancaster University it is best left to the individual to choose their own metaphors to help them with their illness. It was also found that when battle terminology is applied patients may begin to feel a sense of responsibility if their condition deteriorates.

When we are ill what are we looking for? Health.

Whether one is suffering from an emotional or physical illness are we not looking for good health? And the first four letters of health are HEAL. By healing we are truly mobilising the resources of body and mind in a way that makes so much more sense. If we are in a “struggle” to lose weight implicitly we are in a struggle with ourselves. If we are “fighting” a life threatening disease then we could find ourselves fighting our own body! Will we really be able to muster the energy to “battle” with depression when one’s internal resources seem to be so low?

Anyone who has studied and qualified as a hypnotherapist, counsellor or psychotherapist will have been trained in the use of language and the importance of the words chosen and how how best to use them. Hypnosis uses it’s own particular language patterns and these patterns are designed to bypass the conscious mind and communicate with the unconscious mind. Without this we would have to rely on conscious communication to make a change and as we have all experienced at some time or other the conscious mind knows what we “should” be doing but does not always have the tools to make the required changes. Smokers may know that they want to quit but telling oneself is one thing and doing it is another just as telling ourselves to eat healthy food does not always make it happen.

We are using words constantly when communicating with others and when talking internally to ourselves. But are we really aware of what the message might be that is often hidden behind our thoughts and internal conversation and the effect it is creating? I see healing as the focus to bring together the natural resources of mind and body for real and meaningful change. However using such terms as fight, beat, and struggle could just be setting up an internal conflict that will block the results we are looking for.

For more information on how Hypnotherapy, EFT and NLP could help you please call or email and I will be happy to help.

Case study using Hypnosis and EFT for Bulimia

Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia can be very difficult to treat and many people suffering in this area may never fully recover control over the problem. There are many different reasons and conjectures about the causes of an eating disorder so it is important that medical advice is taken since they are not just injurious to a person’s health but can be fatal.

Treatment can for eating disorders can be ongoing for months or years without a satisfactory outcome leaving family and sufferer in a very difficult place. However I have worked with very good results with a number of eating disorder clients and below is a case study of a recent client who came to me with bulimia.

(Names and some incidents are altered to protect client anonymity)

Ann, a young lady in her late twenties came to see me after having suffered from an unhealthy preoccupation with her eating habits since she was a young girl. She had always been on and off diets and had resorted to binge eating and then vomiting to control her weight. She was feeling helpless with the situation and although she held down a responsible job her self confidence and self belief was dipping lower and lower .

In our first session I took notes and information about how long this had been an issue and information about her past background and experiences although I always let my clients reveal whatever past issues they may have had in their own time. In fact they may not even remember some of this information consciously and if they do not wish to discuss certain things then that is fine and we can still work without that information.

Ann had the internal message that she had “always been big” and this to me is the sort of phrase that tells me a lot about where an issue is coming from. Our speech patterns and the phrases we use will give us plenty of clues about where to look and how to resolve the underlying issues once we are attuned to them.

In a situation such as this there are two important elements, one is releasing any past trauma physical or emotional around the issue and two, building a client’s confidence. One of the techniques I use is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which I think is a wonderful tool that can truly help clear past issues very rapidly and instil confidence sometimes with almost miraculous speed. And not only can we work with it in the sessions but the client can take the technique with them and use it on a n everyday basis themselves to help continue the work between sessions. This not only speeds up the process but involves the client in the process giving them control that they may well have felt unable to access previously.

After the first session Ann returned two weeks later to report that things had been much better and that the tools I had given her had really helped her take control whenever she had any of these urges to binge. However she had experienced a relapse for three days but using the techniques she had got herself back on track again. In this second session I started helping her develop her confidence and self belief and the next time we met she had not binged at all and said she felt normal and much more relaxed. We then scheduled another appointment although due to other commitments she could not come back for a month. At this stage I would have preferred to see her a little sooner but that was not possible. However I always let clients know that they can email or call me if they are experiencing any issues between sessions. This is important since I would rather they do not loose time getting stuck when they can continue building on the changes they are already making.

When Ann came back to see me four weeks later I could immediately see in her a much happier and grounded person than the one that had walked in just four sessions previously. She had applied for a new job so for our final session we discussed how she was feeling about things went over anything that needed any “tidying up” and then worked on simple but powerful ways she could take this new found confidence into the job interview and also continue to develop it in her everyday life.

Ann emailed me a month later to say that she had got the job and was feeling really good and much happier than before. This may seem a simple process and in many ways it was although every person I see has a different story and a different history. For me there is no set routine but rather an understanding that every one who walks into my office is an individual with their own personal needs and desires. Starting from that place I can use hypnosis, NLP, or EFT and my own unique techniques in a way that will offer individual opportunities for personal change whatever the issue.

If you would like to discuss further how I can help you, or someone close to you who has an eating disorder please call 07970218451 or email roger@rogerfoxwell.co.uk and I will be happy to discuss any aspect of this or any other issue with you.