Who is the most important person in your life?

Important Person

Many clients who come to see me for help with confidence have often forgotten about the most important person in their lives. For instance, carers, parents, and people working in the caring professions are so often doing so much amazing work supporting everyone around them that it’s easy to forget about themselves. When they come to see me they may be looking for more confidence, to experience less stress, and to be able to deal with whatever other issues they have in their lives.

Often our default thinking is that we must unrelentingly give all our energy to everyone else leaving us feeling empty and passed by. However, for so many years we have been mainly focusing so much on other people that we have forgotten to think about the most important person in the equation – ourselves.

To think that you are the most important person often contradicts the messages we give ourselves and the messages we have picked up over the years in our daily lives.

But the message is that you are the most important person in your world. Now this has nothing to do with arrogance or trying to be one up and cleverer than anyone else. It’s all about every one of us being the best person we can be.

We are all unique but holding ourselves back from being our best self does us no favours. This is not about becoming the CEO of a multi-billion corporation it’s about about loving and accepting our own skills and our own unique knowledge and wisdom.

So in your mind just “Step Into” the Real, Authentic, Best, and Brilliant You, and just for a moment feel how good that feels. How much you really deserve to be that person. Feel how that really engages you with positive connection and healthy pleasure and energy for yourself and everyone around you.

The more you enjoy it the more everyone around you will enjoy it.

This is your secret to take with you

They won’t consciously know what it is but they will feel good as well

To discover more of the techniques and strategies I offer my clients online and in my office to help empower themselves on a daily basis please call or email and I will be very happy to help.

Why do we overthink so much?


We can often blame rumination or continually mentally analysing things in our life as an achilles heal in our thinking. But part of this habit could go back to our ancient ancestors’ need to keep themselves safe. We are all evolved from our early ancestors who would, even before speech, have to keep themselves safe as they mapped out the days’ chores in their minds. Just as we do now.

However they couldn’t reach for Google Maps to guide them safely out of their village. To get past the large tree on the left a mile down the road that often had dangerous snakes around would mean them going back into their memory banks and visualising all the options. They could always take the other route alongside the river but if they did they would have to make sure the river was safe to cross. And of course they had to be careful not to upset the mother elephant who lived on the left hand side of the bank as they were making their way to the stream.

Like us, they had choices to make, but their choices could mean life or death on their way to collect water or hunt for food. So we can imagine them having to carefully work out in their minds the safest route every time they stepped outside the limits of their village.

Much of our thinking patterns are still to a large degree connected to the primal parts of the brain. This part of the brain has one job to do and that is to keep us alive. All these primal connections are still working from the same survival needs that we are using from all those centuries ago.

So it makes sense that we can get ourselves stuck in a loop trying to make up our minds what order to do things, whether we take the train or the plane plus myriads of options and choices in our daily lives. This overthinking and worry can sometimes make us feel as if we are on a hamster wheel as we continually analyse every small detail that comes to mind. All those centuries ago this was a matter of life or death and sometimes it can feel as if we are still in that same place.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and other stress issues are all linked to this natural overthinking process which can get out of hand. Learning how to detach and negotiate our way round a never-ending loop of thoughts and worries will help lift us out of the tension and stress that has been keeping us locked “looking out for danger” 24 hours a day.

For help achieving positive change and rapid stress release in your life I offer techniques such as Hypnosis, NLP, Emotional Freedom Technique, Eye movement Sequencing plus much more.

For more information please call +44 7970218451 or email rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com 

How Heart Coherence can help you experience a more relaxed and balanced life

Heart Coherence Breathing Exercise

If you feel you would like more control over your heart rate Heart Coherence is a simple but very effective way to do that. You may feel your heart rate quickening up and slowing down in the different situations in your life and this is what our heart is supposed to do.

If we are stressed the body and mind can easily trigger straight into a Fight or Flight response to protect us from danger. This is our primal brain kicking in.

In modern life, we are not normally living in the actual jungle. However, we are, in effect often in a different jungle as we deal with modern-day stress and worry. This can easily put us in a physical and mental place whereby our primitive protective part becomes continually switched on. Of course, this can be very unhealthy when there is no real danger about and the stress of being in this state (and being disconnected from our ventral vagus nerve) means we cannot heal physically or emotionally.

So what can we do about this?

The science of Heart Coherence has some excellent and very simple exercises to help us connect back into a much more relaxed and healthier state physically and emotionally. Heart Coherence is based on scientific information collected from such modern medical instruments as electrocardiograms and pulse sensors. The material they measure in this instance is known as Heat Rate Variability which can be demonstrated through specific software programs.

These can tell us more about the state of both our physical and mental health but obviously, we are the ones who have to do something to make the changes we need.

One of the Heart Coherence exercises is a simple breathing pattern and you will only need 6 minutes, 3 times a day to help reset your life to a more relaxed and comfortable state physically and emotionally.

When we breathe in and out it feels like our heart is beating regularly when in fact it is an unsynchronous rhythm that accelerates on the in breath and decelerates on the out breath. In fact seen on a graph, each in and out breath also has lots of peaks and troughs and this is in fact perfectly natural.

However, as we do the simple Heart Coherence breathing exercise we will in effect be smoothing out the peaks and troughs of our breaths and the jagged ups and downs that are clearly shown on the computer readout.

All you have to do is set aside 6 minutes breathing 3 times a day

To do this sit or stand (ideally not lying unless you need to) in a quiet place, and when ready breathe in deeply for 5 seconds, (shoulders relaxed) and out for 5 seconds.

Keep each breath moving and you can time this in your head, on your mobile or on a clock keeping lips closed if possible.

Continue working your way up to 6 minutes if needed and do the exercise 3 times a day. After a week or so you will soon be aware of the positive changes you are making. If you are happy with your progress I would recommend doing this as an everyday habit.

If you use this for a week you will very likely begin to notice a positive change in your stress levels. As you breathe more deeply and easily you are getting more oxygen to your blood and the whole of your physiology will be calming itself as will your busy brain.

Of course, to achieve this state we need to practise it but it is a miniscule price to pay for relaxation, well-being and healing that will be triggered as we enter this state of heart coherence.

I recommend that you read this very short book by Dr. David O’Hare “Heart Coherence 365” which tells you all you need to know about the method and how valuable it is. At £3 52p on Kindle it is an absolute bargain and everything is explained very simply. (I have no financial interests in this book but it is fascinating to find out what is happening that we are not aware of as we breathe.

For more help with issues large or small feel free to contact me on +44 7970 218451 or email rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com

How long will it take for body and mind to heal?

Heal body and mind

Understandably we are all looking for ways that we can make change as quickly and effectively as possible. Unfortunately, that inner need to get “instant results” can often be the one thing that slows or even blocks us from achieving the best outcomes and experiences we are looking for.

This is linked with our nervous system’s need to feel safe and whole quickly, and get body and mind back on track and healing.

However, the very thought of us “trying” to relax and “trying” to heal sets up exactly the opposite outcome to the one we are hoping for. This is the sort of thinking pattern that will unconsciously set up resistance, doubt, and worry in the mind placing us back in the very mindset that blocks our healing connections. Then the ventral vagus nerve senses pressure and doubt putting us back into a “not safe” state thereby generating more “fight and flight” experiences.

With hypnosis, we’ve all seen stage hypnotists on television and elsewhere “instantly” putting someone in a hypnotic state just by telling them to sleep!

Now we may expect the same experience in a hypnotherapy session but there is much more to healing body and mind than one trigger word. We all respond differently and although many clients will be able to easily and rapidly drift into a pleasant state of relaxation there will be background material to take into account.

For my clients, I use a variety of techniques including Hypnosis, Emotional Freedom Technique, and Eye Movement Sequencing to help generate the appropriate trance for each individual. In my view, we are all in different states of trance at different times of the day and the trick is having the tools for each of us to generate better and more appropriate experiences in any situation.

To master these changes to our thinking and dealing with issues we will need time to put our new skills into practise. Although results are usually very rapid we still need to practise and fine-tune our new ways of being, thinking, and feeling. Adding a strict time frame on top of our already stressed body, mind and psyche will only serve to slow down and even unconsciously block progress.

y advice to clients is to give yourself “All the Time in the World” as you make the changes you are looking for.

Then how pleasantly surprised you can be to discover that the results you are looking for some quicker than you expected.

Pain and feeling safe

Pain and feeling safe

There are 3 words I write at the top of virtually every client’s notes at the start of the first session.

“Am I Safe?”

Whatever anyone comes to see me for and whatever the issue it is nearly always governed by this question. This is why I generally start a session working not on the presenting issue but helping clients learn how to manage their own nervous system. Without that we have no foundation for body and mind to build a life experience that we will “feel safe” in.

If we can’t manage that part of our physiology then we will always unconsciously be looking out for danger as if we were in the jungle. As I mentioned in an earlier post that part of us (Fight or Flight) will always kick in if we need it. However when it is switched on permanently we are unable to heal. We need to be able to reach the parts of the body that need the “Stress Volume” turning down so we can reach that safe place of healing.

This also accounts for a lot of pain issues that doctors cannot find any cure for. The reason being that the brain can get caught in a loop “just in case” there is still danger waiting to “pounce out of the bushes” and attack us.

By organising our own nervous system to become more fluid and relaxed when appropriate (which should be most of the time) we can reach our healing part (the Ventral Vagus Nerve) and then body and mind can begin to recover.

A lot of pain goes unresolved because the brain has set up this fear response to protect us from danger and sometimes it can’t switch it off.

Of course not all pain is just in the brain and the well known American back surgeon Dr Sarno found that the scans of patients’ spines etc. often did not correlate to the amount of pain they were experiencing. So he began offering workshops on the different medical and psychological issues that pain could be presenting. He realised that stress and other factors could be causing the pain to continue. This meant that there came a point that the patient’s body was not responding to medication and drugs even though everything appeared to be healing successfully.

So if you have tried every possibility and have gained no lasting or positive relief from back pain and other issues such as CPRS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome) there are other options available.

Hypnosis, Emotional Freedom Technique and Eye movement Sequencing are just a few of the techniques I have successfully used with all my clients over the years to help them change not just the mental programmes they have been locked into but also the body physical experiences. If you have tried all the traditional medical routes of healing without success it is entirely possible that you can learn how to organise and control your own autonomic nervous system physically and mentally thus helping yourself diminish and even remove the constant stress and pain that surrounds these life changing issues.

Why you can’t clear your old traumas and how you can!

Clear Your Old Traumas

So you would like to do some work on life traumas that have blighted your past, release them and get back to enjoying your life in the ways you would like to.

But when you think about it you realize that you probably can’t remember all the traumas you have experienced. And then you realize that maybe there were traumas that you didn’t at the time realize were traumas. And what about that week you were in hospital when you were 3 years old, that must have been traumatic. And come to think of it so must have getting born been traumatic! But you can’t remember it, can you?

And what about the traumas that are carried through our family’s DNA and passed on to us through grandparents’ and parents DNA? We’re not blaming anyone because that is how it works but now we have traumas you know about, traumas you don’t remember, traumas you didn’t know were traumas and traumas that were passed down through the generations in the family DNA. And we are only just scratching the surface!

One paragraph and it is becoming clear that this is a much bigger job than we could ever have imagined!

And by now you might be thinking perhaps I will have to spend five years on the psychotherapist’s couch discussing every detail of my life and trying to release everything I don’t even know about!

Now there is nothing wrong with the psychotherapist’s couch but you might also be thinking (apart from the time and cost) “I really don’t want to speak about all these past traumatic events, it will be much and too uncomfortable to relive them again”. Fortunately there is a part of you that knows all about the traumas you know about, the traumas you don’t know about, the ones you didn’t know were traumas and the ones that you could never know about.

That part of you is your unconscious creative mind. So why not find out how you can let that part of you do the work while you get on with your everyday life.

Clients come to see me regularly with unresolved trauma and it is important that they can help clear it and move into a physical and emotional place they really feel they deserve to be in.

A first session would usually begin with some trauma clearing using pleasant relaxation, hypnosis, and easy eye movements. Sounds strange but is in fact very simple. And a big part of the message is to let the client’s unconscious continue to work on releasing past issues while they get on with their everyday lives. The unconscious creative is the part that knows what to do and how to do it safely, effectively, and simply.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is also a very powerful and non-intrusive technique that I regularly use to help clients release any negative energy around past issues without having to dredge deeply into everything about their past.

Once negative past issues begin to slip safely into the background we are then free to put into place the changes that bring us confidence, self-worth, and pleasure in all aspects of our lives.

Important! Keep Your Inner Child Safe!

Inner Child

We all have our own inner child within us. This is a part of you that has grown up with you from birth to your present age. If you’re not sure if you have an Inner Child think about how you feel in demanding situations, or if you regress to childish behaviors when you don’t get your own way. You may be behaving like a teenager or an eight year old at school.

Now there is nothing wrong with your inner child and nothing wrong with you, it’s just that our inner child is still just that. A child. It doesn’t want to bring up a family, run a business or go to work. It wants to play. No wonder it gets childish when it doesn’t get what it wants.

However there is a way to help support your inner child and yourself. We must Grow Up in a way that helps our inner child feel safe. And we are grown ups aren’t we? And there is no turning back now.

In the past I used a mix of psychotherapy, hypnosis and counselling for inner child work which was very successful but a few years ago I developed a much simpler way achieving even better results almost immediately. This unique technique with the right input will almost immediately help us snap into a much more comfortable and responsible mindset in our daily lives. In fact it makes life easier and more comfortable whilst developing confidence and pleasure in our everyday lives. This change can free you from many of the worries and doubts you may have about yourself and your life. The simple changes will help you generate a feeling of safety that continues to support you through the tricky times and the good.

Growing up is about claiming your right to be yourself while taking positive responsibility for who you are and where you are. Building your relationship with your inner child will mean building a better relationship with yourself and everyone around you. Now your inner child will really begin to feel safe.

After all we can’t be children for ever.

For more information please email rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com or call +44 (0)7970218451

Want to be happy? You need to know about these brain chemicals

Want to be happy

The 4 brain chemicals that will help you feel happy.

To have a “feel good experience” we need to trigger our “feel good” brain chemicals. Being able to recognise them when triggered within our body helps us develop and strengthen them, encouraging the good feelings we would like to experience in our lives.

The four main happy brain chemicals are Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins. These are all working in connection with each other but one or two will be taking the lead depending on what we are experiencing at the time.

Dopamine helps us move forward in life and “climb to the top of the tree”. It is the brain chemical that helps push us forward to reach the best fruit at the top of the tree. Otherwise, we could be left sitting at the bottom of the tree looking for leftovers.

The actual climb to the top is what triggers dopamine helping push us onward and upwards toward our goals. When you experience a feeling of pride and satisfaction whether it is winning an Olympic medal or finishing constructing a piece of flat-pack furniture you will be enjoying the pleasant and satisfying hit of dopamine you have just built up.

However, it is very important we actually “earn” our dopamine. Addictions and bad habits such as gambling and drugs can also trigger dopamine, dopamine that we haven’t actually “earned”. This in time leads to stress and disappointment triggering our unhappy chemicals such as Cortisol.

Oytocin is called the “love” or “cuddle chemical”. This helps trigger the safe and relaxed pathways in your body and mind and is connected with the vagus nerve. As you generate more oxytocin in your physical body this will help you feel calmer and more comfortable with yourself, others, and your life.

For more information please email rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com or call +44 (0)7970218451

Are you filled with self-doubt about your own abilities?

Imposter Syndrome

Do you sometimes feel like a fraud? Do you “talk yourself down?

Then you may be suffering from Imposter Syndrome.

Google apparently has 5 million articles on this very subject but for me, the most important question when dealing with emotional and mental issues is how can we help resolve them whilst putting in place the feelings, achievements, and experiences we really want to enjoy

We might think that imposter syndrome just applies to people employed in high-flying business positions and not to your everyday person in their everyday lives.

However many of us have ongoing doubts and worries about our own skills in life or how we “present” ourselves in everyday communication. This negative thinking will continue to nibble away at our own confidence and we can often find ourselves withdrawing more and more from offers of a step up in our workplace. And this can have a “knock-on” effect even in our everyday communication with friends and acquaintances. It feels safer to do this than confront the self imposed limitations we put on ourselves.

The first thing I write on virtually every client’s notes is 3 words. Am I safe?

This is a classic case of feeling unable to acknowledge and feel confident (safe) with one’s own unique abilities, skills, and creativity.

However, with the right tools, we really can unlock the power of our confidence and creative mind. Using simple empowering steps you could change your life overnight and bring a sense of confidence, value, and self-worth into your everyday life.

To do this we must first let go of any past material that is still standing in our way. And this doesn’t mean digging deep into our past traumas and experiences. Many therapies include a lot of talking and delving into the past but our unconscious mind knows far more about us than we could ever know consciously.

So why not let your unconscious do the work and help body and mind literally ”feel safe”? This will then give you the opportunity to enjoy and love your own skills, wisdom, knowledge, and the life and self-belief you deserve to enjoy.

For more information please email rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com or call +44 (0)7970218451

Letting go of anger


Most of us have heard of Fight, Flight, or Freeze. This is our primal response that automatically kicks in whenever we sense danger. This part of our autonomic (automatic) nervous system will always strive to keep us safe if we feel threatened in any situation. It’s job is to keep us alive and to respond, immediately bypassing our thinking mind and filling the body with adrenaline and cortisol.

When we are angry we are not in logical control of our own thoughts and feelings and have been literally “taken over” by our fight instinct which will do (and say) anything to prevent us from being overwhelmed by a “deadly enemy”.

Of course, it is unlikely that we are actually being overwhelmed by a deadly enemy if we are just angry that no none has done the washing up or we have lost our own car keys!

Anger is an extremely damaging habit not only for the recipients of one’s anger but for the person dealing it out. So it is of prime importance that we take steps to control our anger or it will be detrimentally affecting our life and everyone around us. It must be curbed and quietened before it is too late. Once again the vagus nerve holds the key to keeping us from tipping over to boiling point on a regular basis.

However, the big problem is that as much as we wish to remain cool and relaxed this is not possible because in Fight or Flight, the only job our brain and nervous system has is to “keep us alive”! Unfortunately, we can’t be in two places at once so the only chance we have is to move into our ventral vagus place of safety if we are to heal physically and emotionally.

What we need are the best mental tools that help us construct simple changes that strengthen our connection with relaxation, calm, and safety. This is in fact our safe place.

Using hypnosis, Emotional Freedom Technique, and Eye Movement Sequencing I have built a series of simple yet extremely effective ways that help clients train their own minds and physiology to achieve rapid and lasting results.. This not only helps resolve old behavior patterns but also builds powerful positive change with everyone they communicate with. When this happens the quality of improvement in everyone’s lives becomes enormous

For more information or to book an online or face-to-face appointment please visit my website www.rogerfoxwell.co.uk Email or call:+44(0)7970218451