Category: Anxiety

Who is the most important person in your life?

Many clients who come to see me for help with confidence have often forgotten about the most important person in their lives. For instance, carers, parents, and people working in the caring professions are so often doing so much amazing work supporting everyone around them that it’s easy to forget about themselves. When they come to see me they may be looking for more confidence, to experience less stress, and to be able to deal with whatever other issues they have in their lives.

Often our default thinking is that we must unrelentingly give all our energy to everyone else leaving us feeling empty and passed by. However, for so many years we have been mainly focusing so much on other people that we have forgotten to think about the most important person in the equation – ourselves.

To think that you are the most important person often contradicts the messages we give ourselves and the messages we have picked up over the years in our daily lives.

But the message is that you are the most important person in your world. Now this has nothing to do with arrogance or trying to be one up and cleverer than anyone else. It’s all about every one of us being the best person we can be.

We are all unique but holding ourselves back from being our best self does us no favours. This is not about becoming the CEO of a multi-billion corporation it’s about about loving and accepting our own skills and our own unique knowledge and wisdom.

So in your mind just “Step Into” the Real, Authentic, Best, and Brilliant You, and just for a moment feel how good that feels. How much you really deserve to be that person. Feel how that really engages you with positive connection and healthy pleasure and energy for yourself and everyone around you.

The more you enjoy it the more everyone around you will enjoy it.

This is your secret to take with you

They won’t consciously know what it is but they will feel good as well

To discover more of the techniques and strategies I offer my clients online and in my office to help empower themselves on a daily basis please call or email and I will be very happy to help.

Why do we overthink so much?

We can often blame rumination or continually mentally analysing things in our life as an achilles heal in our thinking. But part of this habit could go back to our ancient ancestors’ need to keep themselves safe. We are all evolved from our early ancestors who would, even before speech, have to keep themselves safe as they mapped out the days’ chores in their minds. Just as we do now.

However they couldn’t reach for Google Maps to guide them safely out of their village. To get past the large tree on the left a mile down the road that often had dangerous snakes around would mean them going back into their memory banks and visualising all the options. They could always take the other route alongside the river but if they did they would have to make sure the river was safe to cross. And of course they had to be careful not to upset the mother elephant who lived on the left hand side of the bank as they were making their way to the stream.

Like us, they had choices to make, but their choices could mean life or death on their way to collect water or hunt for food. So we can imagine them having to carefully work out in their minds the safest route every time they stepped outside the limits of their village.

Much of our thinking patterns are still to a large degree connected to the primal parts of the brain. This part of the brain has one job to do and that is to keep us alive. All these primal connections are still working from the same survival needs that we are using from all those centuries ago.

So it makes sense that we can get ourselves stuck in a loop trying to make up our minds what order to do things, whether we take the train or the plane plus myriads of options and choices in our daily lives. This overthinking and worry can sometimes make us feel as if we are on a hamster wheel as we continually analyse every small detail that comes to mind. All those centuries ago this was a matter of life or death and sometimes it can feel as if we are still in that same place.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and other stress issues are all linked to this natural overthinking process which can get out of hand. Learning how to detach and negotiate our way round a never-ending loop of thoughts and worries will help lift us out of the tension and stress that has been keeping us locked “looking out for danger” 24 hours a day.

For help achieving positive change and rapid stress release in your life I offer techniques such as Hypnosis, NLP, Emotional Freedom Technique, Eye movement Sequencing plus much more.

For more information please call +44 7970218451 or email rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com

How long will it take for body and mind to heal?

Understandably we are all looking for ways that we can make change as quickly and effectively as possible. Unfortunately, that inner need to get “instant results” can often be the one thing that slows or even blocks us from achieving the best outcomes and experiences we are looking for.

This is linked with our nervous system’s need to feel safe and whole quickly, and get body and mind back on track and healing.

However, the very thought of us “trying” to relax and “trying” to heal sets up exactly the opposite outcome to the one we are hoping for. This is the sort of thinking pattern that will unconsciously set up resistance, doubt, and worry in the mind placing us back in the very mindset that blocks our healing connections. Then the ventral vagus nerve senses pressure and doubt putting us back into a “not safe” state thereby generating more “fight and flight” experiences.

With hypnosis, we’ve all seen stage hypnotists on television and elsewhere “instantly” putting someone in a hypnotic state just by telling them to sleep!

Now we may expect the same experience in a hypnotherapy session but there is much more to healing body and mind than one trigger word. We all respond differently and although many clients will be able to easily and rapidly drift into a pleasant state of relaxation there will be background material to take into account.

For my clients, I use a variety of techniques including Hypnosis, Emotional Freedom Technique, and Eye Movement Sequencing to help generate the appropriate trance for each individual. In my view, we are all in different states of trance at different times of the day and the trick is having the tools for each of us to generate better and more appropriate experiences in any situation.

To master these changes to our thinking and dealing with issues we will need time to put our new skills into practise. Although results are usually very rapid we still need to practise and fine-tune our new ways of being, thinking, and feeling. Adding a strict time frame on top of our already stressed body, mind and psyche will only serve to slow down and even unconsciously block progress.

y advice to clients is to give yourself “All the Time in the World” as you make the changes you are looking for.

Then how pleasantly surprised you can be to discover that the results you are looking for some quicker than you expected.

Pain and feeling safe

There are 3 words I write at the top of virtually every client’s notes at the start of the first session.

“Am I Safe?”

Whatever anyone comes to see me for and whatever the issue it is nearly always governed by this question. This is why I generally start a session working not on the presenting issue but helping clients learn how to manage their own nervous system. Without that we have no foundation for body and mind to build a life experience that we will “feel safe” in.

If we can’t manage that part of our physiology then we will always unconsciously be looking out for danger as if we were in the jungle. As I mentioned in an earlier post that part of us (Fight or Flight) will always kick in if we need it. However when it is switched on permanently we are unable to heal. We need to be able to reach the parts of the body that need the “Stress Volume” turning down so we can reach that safe place of healing.

This also accounts for a lot of pain issues that doctors cannot find any cure for. The reason being that the brain can get caught in a loop “just in case” there is still danger waiting to “pounce out of the bushes” and attack us.

By organising our own nervous system to become more fluid and relaxed when appropriate (which should be most of the time) we can reach our healing part (the Ventral Vagus Nerve) and then body and mind can begin to recover.

A lot of pain goes unresolved because the brain has set up this fear response to protect us from danger and sometimes it can’t switch it off.

Of course not all pain is just in the brain and the well known American back surgeon Dr Sarno found that the scans of patients’ spines etc. often did not correlate to the amount of pain they were experiencing. So he began offering workshops on the different medical and psychological issues that pain could be presenting. He realised that stress and other factors could be causing the pain to continue. This meant that there came a point that the patient’s body was not responding to medication and drugs even though everything appeared to be healing successfully.

So if you have tried every possibility and have gained no lasting or positive relief from back pain and other issues such as CPRS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome) there are other options available.

Hypnosis, Emotional Freedom Technique and Eye movement Sequencing are just a few of the techniques I have successfully used with all my clients over the years to help them change not just the mental programmes they have been locked into but also the body physical experiences. If you have tried all the traditional medical routes of healing without success it is entirely possible that you can learn how to organise and control your own autonomic nervous system physically and mentally thus helping yourself diminish and even remove the constant stress and pain that surrounds these life changing issues.

Why you can’t clear your old traumas and how you can!

So you would like to do some work on life traumas that have blighted your past, release them and get back to enjoying your life in the ways you would like to.

But when you think about it you realize that you probably can’t remember all the traumas you have experienced. And then you realize that maybe there were traumas that you didn’t at the time realize were traumas. And what about that week you were in hospital when you were 3 years old, that must have been traumatic. And come to think of it so must have getting born been traumatic! But you can’t remember it, can you?

And what about the traumas that are carried through our family’s DNA and passed on to us through grandparents’ and parents DNA? We’re not blaming anyone because that is how it works but now we have traumas you know about, traumas you don’t remember, traumas you didn’t know were traumas and traumas that were passed down through the generations in the family DNA. And we are only just scratching the surface!

One paragraph and it is becoming clear that this is a much bigger job than we could ever have imagined!

And by now you might be thinking perhaps I will have to spend five years on the psychotherapist’s couch discussing every detail of my life and trying to release everything I don’t even know about!

Now there is nothing wrong with the psychotherapist’s couch but you might also be thinking (apart from the time and cost) “I really don’t want to speak about all these past traumatic events, it will be much and too uncomfortable to relive them again”. Fortunately there is a part of you that knows all about the traumas you know about, the traumas you don’t know about, the ones you didn’t know were traumas and the ones that you could never know about.

That part of you is your unconscious creative mind. So why not find out how you can let that part of you do the work while you get on with your everyday life.

Clients come to see me regularly with unresolved trauma and it is important that they can help clear it and move into a physical and emotional place they really feel they deserve to be in.

A first session would usually begin with some trauma clearing using pleasant relaxation, hypnosis, and easy eye movements. Sounds strange but is in fact very simple. And a big part of the message is to let the client’s unconscious continue to work on releasing past issues while they get on with their everyday lives. The unconscious creative is the part that knows what to do and how to do it safely, effectively, and simply.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is also a very powerful and non-intrusive technique that I regularly use to help clients release any negative energy around past issues without having to dredge deeply into everything about their past.

Once negative past issues begin to slip safely into the background we are then free to put into place the changes that bring us confidence, self-worth, and pleasure in all aspects of our lives.

Want to be happy? You need to know about these brain chemicals

The 4 brain chemicals that will help you feel happy.

To have a “feel good experience” we need to trigger our “feel good” brain chemicals. Being able to recognise them when triggered within our body helps us develop and strengthen them, encouraging the good feelings we would like to experience in our lives.

The four main happy brain chemicals are Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins. These are all working in connection with each other but one or two will be taking the lead depending on what we are experiencing at the time.

Dopamine helps us move forward in life and “climb to the top of the tree”. It is the brain chemical that helps push us forward to reach the best fruit at the top of the tree. Otherwise, we could be left sitting at the bottom of the tree looking for leftovers.

The actual climb to the top is what triggers dopamine helping push us onward and upwards toward our goals. When you experience a feeling of pride and satisfaction whether it is winning an Olympic medal or finishing constructing a piece of flat-pack furniture you will be enjoying the pleasant and satisfying hit of dopamine you have just built up.

However, it is very important we actually “earn” our dopamine. Addictions and bad habits such as gambling and drugs can also trigger dopamine, dopamine that we haven’t actually “earned”. This in time leads to stress and disappointment triggering our unhappy chemicals such as Cortisol.

Oytocin is called the “love” or “cuddle chemical”. This helps trigger the safe and relaxed pathways in your body and mind and is connected with the vagus nerve. As you generate more oxytocin in your physical body this will help you feel calmer and more comfortable with yourself, others, and your life.

For more information please email rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com or call +44 (0)7970218451

Letting go of anger

Most of us have heard of Fight, Flight, or Freeze. This is our primal response that automatically kicks in whenever we sense danger. This part of our autonomic (automatic) nervous system will always strive to keep us safe if we feel threatened in any situation. It’s job is to keep us alive and to respond, immediately bypassing our thinking mind and filling the body with adrenaline and cortisol.

When we are angry we are not in logical control of our own thoughts and feelings and have been literally “taken over” by our fight instinct which will do (and say) anything to prevent us from being overwhelmed by a “deadly enemy”.

Of course, it is unlikely that we are actually being overwhelmed by a deadly enemy if we are just angry that no none has done the washing up or we have lost our own car keys!

Anger is an extremely damaging habit not only for the recipients of one’s anger but for the person dealing it out. So it is of prime importance that we take steps to control our anger or it will be detrimentally affecting our life and everyone around us. It must be curbed and quietened before it is too late. Once again the vagus nerve holds the key to keeping us from tipping over to boiling point on a regular basis.

However, the big problem is that as much as we wish to remain cool and relaxed this is not possible because in Fight or Flight, the only job our brain and nervous system has is to “keep us alive”! Unfortunately, we can’t be in two places at once so the only chance we have is to move into our ventral vagus place of safety if we are to heal physically and emotionally.

What we need are the best mental tools that help us construct simple changes that strengthen our connection with relaxation, calm, and safety. This is in fact our safe place.

Using hypnosis, Emotional Freedom Technique, and Eye Movement Sequencing I have built a series of simple yet extremely effective ways that help clients train their own minds and physiology to achieve rapid and lasting results.. This not only helps resolve old behavior patterns but also builds powerful positive change with everyone they communicate with. When this happens the quality of improvement in everyone’s lives becomes enormous

For more information or to book an online or face-to-face appointment please visit my website www.rogerfoxwell.co.uk Email or call:+44(0)7970218451

rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com

What is an ACE score and what it can tell you about your health and stress levels

A.C.E. stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences and is used as a guide to the chances of developing a chronic disease or mental disorder later in life.

Growing up one may have experienced psychological or physical trauma in the family or elsewhere but there are also traumas such as hospital visits, accidents, operations, and losing a loved one that could also be triggering psychological or physical distress long after the event.

This could lead to a reliance on alcohol or drugs to manage the emotional pain and anxiety.

The problem is that the fight or flight mechanism will have been switched on permanently and is looking out for danger virtually 24 hours a day.

Methods and strategies such as Hypnosis, Meditation, Eye Movement Sequencing, and Emotional Freedom Technique can literally help clients “Feel Safe” again. They are very effective in helping relieve stress whilst quietening intrusive thoughts and feelings. This allows the vagus nerve to effectively continue the healing process.

One problem is that, understandably, clients may feel uncomfortable talking through past emotional traumas. It can be so deeply imprinted in the psyche that just thinking of distressing past events can feel as if we are reliving them.

However, by using Eye Movement Therapy, Hypnotherapy, and EFT I have found it is actually possible to gain a level of relaxation that safely allows the unconscious to do a lot of the work for us.

For more information please email me at rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com or call +447970218451 and I will be very happy to help you.

Anger is stress for ourselves and everyone around us

Let’s make this simple. Anger is an unconscious sense of insecurity that we have probably learned from experiences when we were young and from life’s disappointments.

There are 3 words I write on virtually all my client’s notes at the start of the first session. “Am I Safe?”

In my experience, these three words cover virtually every difficult situation we have experienced in our lives whether it be anger, lack of confidence, addictions, performance stress, trauma, etc.

To protect us in uncomfortable situations our primal brain triggers fear sending body and mind into a fight-flight or freeze response. At that moment in time, our primal brain has just one job to do and that is to keep us alive. These automatic responses may be triggered by childhood events, disappointments growing up, lack of self-confidence, and any number of large and small traumas that we may have experienced throughout our lives.

However to give ourselves, and all those around us who will be affected by our behavior, some peace of mind, we must learn how to better control our own autonomic (automatic) nervous system. Trying to make everyone else dance to our tune will not cut it. This is all about working on ourselves.

Unconsciously we are all looking for control.

In the past, we may have felt insecure and desperately needed to control events in our lives. By hoping to control other people we also hoped we would feel safe. This gives us a hit of the brain chemical dopamine but that pleasure does not last long and only leaves us locked in a circuit of mental and physical stress affecting our own life and the lives of others around us.

Every week I am helping clients work positively on their our own nervous systems. This helps give them the opportunity to reclaim the experiences of safety and pleasure in their lives that we all need. Using simple and powerfully effective strategies and techniques you can do the same.

Please contact me on rogerfoxwell.therapy.co.uk or call 07970218451 and I will be very happy to help

How you can Release Yourself from OCD

A large part of our lives is taken up with “keeping ourselves safe” which is a primal response. A primal response that is hardwired into our physiology and thinking from the times we lived in the jungle. We are still operating from our “jungle brain” and the primary job of this part of our nervous system is to keep us alive.

This permeates virtually all our thinking even though we are not always aware of it. But if you suffer from OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) then we must work on gaining more control over our autonomic (automatic) nervous system before we can expect any concrete results.

The need to control is very powerful in all our lives since control helps us feel or imagine that we are safe. Repeating rituals, mantras, behaviours and checking etc. is something we do when suffering from OCD. A part of us hopes that if we repeat the routine enough times we will somehow feel safe enough to let the worry go. Unfortunately even when we know the gas is off or we’ve gone through the counting 10 times it still never seems to go away.This means we are left with a never ending path of thoughts, words, numbers and doubts for us to ruminate on.

We can’t be in two places at once and neither can our nervous system so we must discover how to relax, learn how to quieten body and mind and begin our work of calming and feeling safe. Our fight and flight will always be there when needed, but left switched on it will continue to imprison and direct our own thoughts and actions in it’s search for peace.

This may seem like an impossible task but I have helped so many clients rapidly leave behind this blight on their lives. To do this I focus on working with the Vagus Nerve using Hypnosis, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT, tapping) NLP and building a foundation in our thinking and inner self that supports and nourishes us.

Using simple and supportive trance based techniques that I have built over my 25 years as a professional therapist I have developed skills and therapeutic techniques that are simple to carry out and use on a daily basis. These techniques and strategies will give clients the skills needed that they can take with them and use immediately. This change will set up the process of feeling noticeably safer and more relaxed on a daily basis. This in itself helps trigger an empowering change, releasing the need to follow old patterns and worries that have kept OCD sufferers locked in the old patterns.

For more information or to book an appointment just call 07970218451 or email rogerfoxwell.therapy@gmail.com and I will be happy to help.