Found a good article the other day that illustrated this point very clearly and succinctly.

http://www.newmediaexplorer.org/sepp/2003/07/10/the_power_of_words.htm

I think you will find the section about negating a negative to be especially interesting.

It’s well worth paying more attention to our thoughts as a lot of these negative self-talk phrases easily slip by our conscious thinking processes. Just spend a day becoming more aware of your self-talk and notice how many times you slip in a negative phrase. The next step is to be creative in finding positive phrases to replace the negative ones.  It could make a big difference for you.

This “I’ll be happy when” trap also applies to our own inner work. We may be having a difficult time with various issues and feel that once we have resolved them or made them go away everything will be plain sailing. But that is not necessarily the case because all the other issues that surround just engaging in life are still going to be there. So realistically, yes, life is most likely to be a lot easier when we are not in a constant state of anxiety or depression but everyday life does not go away and we will experience the ups and we will experience the downs. The important thing is how we connect, cope and engage with the natural cycle of our everyday lives in a meaningful and positive way. So why not try this mantra -  “I’ll be happy now.”

Simple meditation techniques done on a regular basis are a very valuable way to allow one to disengage from our inner treadmill and reconnect with ourselves. Try the link below for a wonderful selection of interesting guided meditations.

http://www.fragrantheart.com/

“If you should find yourself riding a dead horse, it is advisable to dismount”

Obviously I empathised with how he was feeling but when I realised that he had no plan or even desire to change how he felt about the situation I suggested that this might be the very best time to readjust how he felt about things. Obviously this would mean some emotional work would need to be done but wasn’t the issue trying to tell him something?

When an issue arises in our lives it often seems easier to try to ignore it, soldier on, pretend it will go away or even use it as a way of letting everyone know how difficult things are for us at the moment. But if there is some area of our lives that needs sorting out it has been brought to our attention for a reason and this is the very time when we should be working on it. Using it as a prop or hoping it will go away means that it is never addressed or resolved. It is easy to become more understanding, more spiritual or more likable when everything is going well. It is when things are tough that we need to put in the effort to move ourselves on positively in our life.

I am a fan of the tv series “The Dog Whisperer” where celebrity dog trainer Cesar Millan takes badly behaved dogs and rehabilitates them (but first he has to retraining the owners!). One of his sayings is “a bad moment is a good time to rehabilitate yourself.” That moment really could be telling you that now is the time to make a change.

So where are the reactions to these fear messages generated? Briefly the brain is in fact three brains and it is the outer layer, the neo cortex that is the developed thinking brain we use to make our rational, considered decisions. When a powerfully threatening thought or event comes our way then our “lower” brains kick into action and take over the whole system getting us ready to “fight or flight”. Unfortunately this reaction also kicks in at times when we are not in a life threatening situation and overpowers our powers of reason and logic.

I am afraid that politicians and media manipulators know how to press these buttons because they want you to look to them for protection from these fears real or imaginary. Ask yourself when did you last worry about bird flu or the planet freezing! Every day we are being bombarded with real and imaginary fears to occupy our minds with. I personally think that we should be taking more steps to look after our planet but then we should have been doing that years ago not just because someone has “discovered” global warming. Whether you believe in global warming or not be on your guard when these things are being used as a tool to frighten you. Allow yourself to stand back from the situation and use whatever techniques you can (e.g. meditation, breathing, relaxation exercises) to help keep your thinking in the rational part of the brain and do not be bullied into being frightened. At least then if there is any crisis you will be able to cope much more effectively. I personally use EFT on a daily basis to help keep my thinking as clear as possible and help avoid getting sucked into any de energising mass panic.

There have and always will be difficult times but do not let yourself become overwhelmed by the constant mental battering that we are subjected to by media and politics today.

Alice came to the fork in the road.
“Which road do I take?” she asked.
“Where do you want to go?” responded the Cheshire cat.
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.”
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

That was written in 1865!

So what did Sir Simon Rattle mean by this “metamorphosis” he talks about undergoing, and how can we achieve it in our professional and competitive challenges? A lot of my clients come to improve their presentation and self confidence in sport, music, and business but to get the best results we often have to leave behind the everyday person that our friends and relatives know and take on the persona that will get the job done. This persona has no room for doubts and worries about our abilities and has to be completely focused and at the very least give an appearance of confidence on the outside. This does not mean one has to completey leave behind the real you but it does mean that to get results you need to develop a strong degree of focus, determination and self confidence to really achieve your true potential. There are many ways to develop this and one is to find someone in your field that you admire and can relate to and “take on the mask” of that person when you are in your performance situation. Ask yourself what would they think, feel, hear and see in this situation? How would they react to enable them to get the best results?  Then start to bring these attributes into your own performance situations.  Just be sure to choose a role model that uses their skills in an empowering and structured way then you will begin to develop extra skills and techniques that will give your that extra performance edge.

“One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes. For every person we’d refuse to forgive in our life, we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of our bags, as you can imagine, were quite heavy.

We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that’s true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!

So the next time you decide you can’t forgive someone, ask yourself… Isn’t MY bag heavy enough?”

- from www.pravsworld.com

A client came to see me last week to improve their performance in their sport and told me that they were working with a new trainer but were beginning to notice doubts creeping in. They then told me that their trainer had a habit of saying things like ” Are you feeling nervous?” or “Are you ok?” before a competition. Well you don’t need me to tell you that surprise, surprise they were beginning to feel nervous. Very nervous!

Someone else throwing careless statements our way is one thing but how many times do we do the same thing to ourselves or others? Just listen very carefully to your own self talk and be sure that to avoid giving yourself a continuous diet of negative thoughts. Your body and your mind is listening to everything you say and so is everyone else’s that you come into contact with.