I work under the assumption that all my clients really do want to change but may not know how to do so. That is why they have come to see me. But the question is, how much of the process do they feel safe to involve themselves in? Sometimes there may be a feeling of wouldn’t it be easier just to metaphorically and literally sit back and see how it all “pans out”. In other words it would be more comfortable to do this on their own terms of involvement and keep a certain distance however much they may agree with what needs to be done and what is being offered. Unfortunately playing it this way does not offer full value because they are not completely engaging themselves in the process and not completely engaging themselves in the process means they are only going to make changes on their own terms. This is what is known as resistance and recognising this and resolving it will be a very important part of any therapy interaction for both client and therapist.

Now this in no way means that I want my clients to make changes on my terms but it does mean that without that full engagement in the process they will be protecting themselves from discovering what has been really keeping them from their true goal. The saying is “just looking at the weights in the gym won’t get you fit”. We really do have to pick them up and start physically doing something ourselves, and so in therapy. Our training is mental but just because we can’t see it does not mean that it is not happening. Becoming a fully involved part of the process is imperative because part of the process is what we are.

A good therapist knows how to help a client safely resolve this resistance and I firmly believe that virtually everyone of us has the unconscious understanding to know how to make the changes we want easily and comfortably. Full committed involvement in the process will actually mean that we are also able to make these changes rapidly and effectively and then, interestingly enough, we truly will be making changes on our own terms.

Found a good article the other day that illustrated this point very clearly and succinctly.

http://www.newmediaexplorer.org/sepp/2003/07/10/the_power_of_words.htm

I think you will find the section about negating a negative to be especially interesting.

It’s well worth paying more attention to our thoughts as a lot of these negative self-talk phrases easily slip by our conscious thinking processes. Just spend a day becoming more aware of your self-talk and notice how many times you slip in a negative phrase. The next step is to be creative in finding positive phrases to replace the negative ones.  It could make a big difference for you.

This “I’ll be happy when” trap also applies to our own inner work. We may be having a difficult time with various issues and feel that once we have resolved them or made them go away everything will be plain sailing. But that is not necessarily the case because all the other issues that surround just engaging in life are still going to be there. So realistically, yes, life is most likely to be a lot easier when we are not in a constant state of anxiety or depression but everyday life does not go away and we will experience the ups and we will experience the downs. The important thing is how we connect, cope and engage with the natural cycle of our everyday lives in a meaningful and positive way. So why not try this mantra -  “I’ll be happy now.”

Simple meditation techniques done on a regular basis are a very valuable way to allow one to disengage from our inner treadmill and reconnect with ourselves. Try the link below for a wonderful selection of interesting guided meditations.

http://www.fragrantheart.com/

http://www.gotosee.co.uk/healtharticles/2010/01/treating-ocd-hypnotherapy-eft-glasgow/

Obviously I empathised with how he was feeling but when I realised that he had no plan or even desire to change how he felt about the situation I suggested that this might be the very best time to readjust how he felt about things. Obviously this would mean some emotional work would need to be done but wasn’t the issue trying to tell him something?

When an issue arises in our lives it often seems easier to try to ignore it, soldier on, pretend it will go away or even use it as a way of letting everyone know how difficult things are for us at the moment. But if there is some area of our lives that needs sorting out it has been brought to our attention for a reason and this is the very time when we should be working on it. Using it as a prop or hoping it will go away means that it is never addressed or resolved. It is easy to become more understanding, more spiritual or more likable when everything is going well. It is when things are tough that we need to put in the effort to move ourselves on positively in our life.

I am a fan of the tv series “The Dog Whisperer” where celebrity dog trainer Cesar Millan takes badly behaved dogs and rehabilitates them (but first he has to retraining the owners!). One of his sayings is “a bad moment is a good time to rehabilitate yourself.” That moment really could be telling you that now is the time to make a change.

If you want to help bring stress levels down breathing is the perfect place to start.

One reason hypnosis and EFT can often have such powerful results over such a wide range of ailments is because they will be working with emotional causes that could be behind the development of the problem as well as the emotional difficulties of living with it. Recently there have been some interesting articles in The Times newspaper suggesting hypnotherapy can help with unusual problems such as Hyperhydrosis which is excessive sweating.

There are various causes cited that can be responsible for Hyperhydrosis  but one is anxiety,  for which hypnosis is an ideal treatment. But also when treating anxiety it is important to discover and release the causes an dfor this EFT can be remarkably effective. Another point is that suffering from any inconvenient, debilitating illness brings on it’s own anxiety issues which if left unchecked will most likely contribute even more to the problem.

The word Parasomnia covers a wide range of sleep related disorders.  Once again studies have shown beneficial effects can be obtained using hypnotherapy with positive lasting effects for a good number of patients.

Articles on both of these issues can be found here and here

A few weeks ago I spoke of neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor’s YouTube clip describing her frightening but fascinating tussle with the two sides of her brain as she was experiencing a stroke. Well I could not resist buying her book describing this and much more and I have to say it is well worth a read and very insightful in many valuable ways.

From her experience one thing that she describes is how she now takes responsibility for her ability to make choices in situations where she feels her emotions are taking control of her thoughts and actions against the way she logically knows that she would like to react.

This is a marvelous thing to be able to do but I know from personal experience, having done it myself, that it can take a long time and a great force of will to make certain changes in one’s behaviour patterns just using logic and willpower.

This is where I think back and wish I had known about EFT a long time ago. One of the wonderful advantages of this technique is that it can dissolve (sometimes instantly) the blocks and frustrations that keep us rewinding the same old destructive thoughts and behaviour patterns that are keeping us stuck where we are, in a comparatively short space of time.

It is possible to make these changes by sheer will power but I know I would rather have the opportunity to resolve the issues and the reasons they are there in the first place as easily, quickly and effectively as is possible. If you want to know more play the clip on my home page and go to www.emofree.com If it is heavy and distressing issues or just lots of everyday irritations that are preventing you living your life to the full, as many of my clients will testify, this technique could give you a wonderfully empowering tool for life.