Roger Foxwell Hypnotherapy | Clinical Hypnotherapy – Emotional Freedom Technique – NLP – IBVA

Can you read someone’s mind? It would be nice to think we can but most of the time we are making assumptions about what people are thinking. If we take it a step further the fact that we cannot read someone’s mind is a bit of a relief because hopefully they can’t read ours either!
However we often decide that we know what is going on in someone’s mind without asking. In other words we assume we know what they are thinking. But how many times have we made an assumption about someone’s behaviour only to find that we got it completely wrong? For instance a colleague may walk by totally ignoring you. We can jump to a conclusion (or maybe two or three!) but none of them may be correct and we may well be doing that person a great disservice and causing ourselves a lot of angst unless we ask.
It can be hard to ask these sort of questions but the secret in making it work is to ask the right questions in as tactful a manner as possible. Always be neutral and non-judgemental. You may not get the answer you want but at least you will have an answer.

It always feels good to be right about something but how many of our problems in the world, large and small, are brought about by the need to be right and force our views on others no matter what. Just tune into Jeremy Kyle or Trisha on daytime television and see people pointing the finger and shouting at each other as they fight for their position.
Rumi, the ancient poet had the perfect way to look at this and release us from the trap that we set ourselves.
“Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”
In these two sentences is the opportunity to free ourselves from falling into the continual trap of “knowing” that our way of thinking or doing something can be the only right way. If you find yourself being drawn into perpetual arguments that seem to be going nowhere why not try imagining this field where you both could meet. Stand in this field for a few moments and you may see a bigger picture.

I often buy The Times newspaper on a Saturday for the Body & Soul supplement. There are interesting articles and tips in most weeks and one that caught my eye this weekend was by Andrew G Marshall a couples counsellor.
The article took the line that there are often more than the two of us in our relationships because without realising it we bring with us people, influences and habits from past relationships, our parents and even our friends.
Just have a think about a particular habit that your partner has that annoys you. Or is there something that seems important to you and nobody else such as the way the table is set or the bed made? Does this remind you of someone else? Is it a “message” programmed in by your parents or peers when you were young?
Ask yourself is it your own thinking or a leftover message from the past? It really is worth going through those “little niggles” analytically to find out where they actually come from.

Do you ever watch Supernanny? I find it a fascinating example of family dynamics at work. Something Jo Frost(Supernanny) said was how a couple came to realise that their children would not be able to change their behaviour until they changed their own behaviour. This is so true. Most of the time we are expecting others to change around us to satisfy our own demands when really we need to change within ourselves.
It can come as a surprise to discover how quickly people seem to suddenly change around us when we make our own changes. We are all responsible for our own behaviour and nothing can change until we take on that responsility.
Just try it for a week -no demands, no recriminations. It may be hard at first but it can give us a marvelous opportunity to learn a lot about ourselves.

The propensity for people to give advice is equalled only by the propensity for people to ignore it.